Tough Life Lessons For A 5 Year Old

This semester we signed the kids up for their first individual 'class'. HC takes ballet and JB takes KinderMusik. My first motivation was for HC to have some girly fun but it became clear that there was another life lesson that was just around the corner.

HC took her class and JB quietly sat next to me in the hallway. I brought a coloring book and a Highlights book to keep him busy. He sat still. So content even while other kids were running around like it was time for recess. He would ask questions as to why they were running but he remained content with what I brought for him to do.

As I sat there with him, I began to think.... how will HC handle sitting while JB is in his class. I knew that if I were sitting with HC, in the middle of all that chaos, my sweet girl would be so distracted that she would be driving me caRAZY to join in the 'fun'. She would have begged me, cried, whined and made EVERY effort to convince me that even if those kids were not obeying... she would obey and have fun. I wondered how to teach HC a lesson so clearly learned by her baby brother. The lesson to sit still and to be content with what is in your hand.

She has neither trait mastered. JB can sit quietly and entertain himself with no trouble but my HC demands help and your focus. She must discuss any and every thought she has the instant she has it. She must do the fun thing - she cannot be the only one doing the boring stuff. She MUST play, she MUST laugh, she MUST talk, she MUST not be required to be still. That being still stuff sounds like torture to her.

We attended JB's first class and I sat in the hall with HC. I didn't realize the class was an interactive one and so the first class I sat with HC alone. Since his class is a morning class there were NO kids lingering about. The sound of laughter and fun happening behind the door was enough to keep her worried. "Why do I have to sit here? Why does JB get to do all the fun stuff?" and on and on it goes. She didn't finish coloring one page, she didn't enjoy her Highlights stickers, she was preoccupied with what she wasn't doing. It is her weakness. She cannot comprehend why she should be left out of anything remotely fun.

Towards the end of JB's class they invited us to join the last song. At the end of it all the teacher gave away stickers. HC HAD to have one too. The following week I joined JB in the class and brought HC some busy work stuff and I joined JB. We've slowly gone from her asking me a question every 5 minutes, to trying to do the moves with us, to asking me questions every 20 minutes, to finally - last week.... my HC sat quietly the entire 45 minutes without disturbing us or trying to join. She still expects a sticker though. I am so proud of her progress!

This Sunday, at church JB came out with his bag from class and there were a few mini-candy canes in his bag. She did not get a bag but she was fine. In fact, there have been several services where she received suckers and ate them in front of JB without offering him a taste or being considerate of him. She also gets a sucker every night at ballet - JB gets nothing. We hear nothing from JB. No "where's my sucker?" No "that's not fair!" Nothing! NADA! He simply asks HC how her class went. Well, this Sunday she discovered that JB had candy canes and she had NADA! She was devastated! She cried for 1 hour. And although I could have given her one of JB's (because he would definitely share) I didn't even offer her one. She wailed on and on for 1 hour. Wow! We were making progress and now she still thinks it's all about her! I guess we will figure this lesson out soon too! I want her to be content and thankful without wanting what she doesn't have. What a hard lesson to learn! But a valuable one! I don't know how JB managed to learn this lesson already but.... I need a how to book on how to teach this lesson to HC! What a tough thing to learn! My HC is generous and kind and thankful and thoughtful and concerned for others.... just as long as she isn't getting the short end of the deal! Round 2 of being content, while being left out, coming up! Whew - seems like this will be a tough one to teach!