Trying to Stay Standing

Life has been super busy for me lately. I've found myself busy working on many projects, some of them have been easy and others have taken much time and focus. In addition, I've had some time to get away for retreat to glean and grow. And of course, the fact that we all are human means we all have the potential to hurt or be hurt from time to time. I feel like things have been spinning so quickly all around me and yet things are normal too. It seems like a whirlwind and yet like calm. It seems like everything and nothing all at once.

While at retreat, we stayed at a house on the beach, the waves were constantly crashing over and over and over again! They were non-stop and they were strong. There was no peace in the water all weekend long. On one afternoon I had some down time and had the privilege of playing in the waves with my friends. It was SO rough and it was extremely difficult to stay in the same area. Yes, sure I know we tend to be shifted off course on a normal day in the water but this day it took SO MUCH work to remain even close to the area we wanted to stay in. You know, we get in the water in one spot and when we next look up we are off center from that spot by a little bit. Well, this time the water was so forceful and constant that to remain standing was quite a job, much less staying near our 'area' while in the water. It was a constant struggle to stay in line with our stuff. It was fun and it was nice to let the waves crash into us but I felt like I couldn't remain in the water as long as usual because the force didn't let up. So we took a break a lot sooner than we would have on an ordinary day at the beach.

Lately I feel like the waves of life are treating me much the same way as the water did. Every time I stand up to get things back in order or try to find our start spot again... another crashing blow comes and knocks me under again. Then I'm forced to stand up again, wipe off my face so that I can see clearly again, find my marker, fight to get back to my start point to only be knocked over again. Wave after wave after wave crashing and crashing and growing in strength as my strength is waning. Some days I want to come up to find that place of peace again, and although it does come... I find another wave knocking me down again - leaving me seeking that place of peace again.

I'm trying to keep on keeping on but on some days I find it difficult to stand up again. I'm trying to strive and I need to rest. There's much to be said about that alone but I'm still walking this out so no clarity yet. I do know God is with me and He never leaves me. I know that He is my strength but I don't know how to keep that thought in my focus versus looking for the next blow. All I know is He is my all in all and after reading this scripture I felt comforted. I haven't made sense of this all yet but I keep pressing on.... I can't stop getting up again. That's the least I can do at this point. Keep on standing up again.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers them from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. The Lord redeems his servants, no one will be condemned who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:17-20, 22