The Right Thing To Do

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and I was telling her I felt I had gotten into a discipline rut! I have known I was threatening and repeating for some time now, but could not find a way out of this cycle I created. It was like breathing to me - it just flowed out of my mouth without thought. Everytime I did it I wanted to take back the threat/bribe, but it was too late. I had failed again!

So what is threatening/bribing and repeating? It goes something like this:
Scenario - at a store and kids get rowdy and loud. Running and getting too far from me or begging (in a loud voice) to get out of the stroller/shopping cart. My reaction - If you don't stop being loud/etc then I will not let you do x thing. Or if you are quiet I will give you a sucker when we leave. The If then is threatening/bribing and repeating.
My intention - I want them to behave without making a scene and I want them to know how their behavior affects others. This wasn't coming across to the kids.

As I was talking this out with my friend, she said something that just hit me. She suggested I tell HC, "We do not act ugly to our friends or run in a store because it is the wrong thing to do. We are nice to our friends (or obey our Mommies) because it is the right thing to do" What a brilliant statement!! We are nice to our friends because it is the RIGHT THING TO DO! Ultimately we are trying to teach our kids so they take our rules into their heart and obey them, because IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO! Brilliant!!

I always explain to my kids why I am saying no or try to explain the why, because my goal is eventually they will understand how their behavior affects others. I want them to know the moral reason why because, if they get that into their heart, then they will begin to see how their misbehaving affects others and THEY will WANT to stop. Simple? Maybe, but if I don't try then I am to blame when they run in a store and knock someone over.

So, I tried the new phrase. I cannot count the number of times I tell the kids no or ask them to stop something. So, HC was talking loud (shouting) at her brother, later yesterday afternoon, and I told her "HC we do not shout at each other, we talk softly because it is the right thing to do". I was shocked and amazed!! She said "Oh, ok Mom" WHAT??? Ok??? Am I dreaming??? No arguing or disobeying me anyway? (Cue the angels singing)

Needless to say - this is our new phrase around the house. It works like a charm! I am pleased and as my HC gets older, THEN I will give her the moral reason why. For now, my why's are only noise to her, just me talking her ear off with why's she isn't ready to understand. We were both frustrated and now we understand each other. We have found ... THE RIGHT THING TO DO for us! heehee (I couldn't resist!) Now I feel freed from my threatening/bribing role and I am making progress! Quite the win!!