School Days

Well, I know school is up and running all around me. I read all of your blogs, regarding your child's first day of school, and second guess myself. I hear all of your hearts breaking a tiny bit, letting that baby go so they can step into the world of being big. Letting them fly a little bit. I hear this and feel a little nervous. Did we make the right choice?? Am I holding HC back out of a Mother's heart to hold on or did God direct this path?

Over this last week I really have second guessed our decision more than any other time. The school HC would have started had their first day on last Wednesday and dear friends began their journey too. I was surrounded by Mom's going to the next level of parenting. The letting go. The handing them over to a school for learning. I felt guilty. Am I selfish? Should I send HC? How is JB fairing? He isn't getting the one on one time with me now. He will not have that.

But God is so good. He always knows best. Through such a difficult week, He showed up time and time again. We had already overcome a lot of struggles - learning to sit still, learning that we will have structured learning at home, finding things to keep JB busy. All of these wins were well won. Here I was again doubting myself. We were thankfully invited to lunch and play time with a fellow Homeschool Mom. She was so encouraging, although I ran my mouth! I felt a little better having seen her, I wasn't the ONLY one Homeschooling. Whew!

I spoke to another friend, whose daughter was going to be in HC's class at school. She shared some fun secrets that we missed out on. Whew! I can see how our learning is very similar to what she would have done at school. One cool trick she told me about was fun! She asked her daughter, 'What did you learn today?', on her first day of school. O said, "We learned to keep our bubble." Her mom was confused and after a little discussion, she let that one go. They brought O to school on Friday and then O's mom learned what "keeping the bubble" was. You put your finger on your mouth, you blow up your cheeks so they are puffy, and keep your finger on lips so the bubble won't escape. See - isn't that a great trick.

I left all of your blogs and my contact with O's mom feeling that I chickened out. I didn't let my daughter go to the next level. Independent of me. I felt ashamed that I did this to HC. I held her back. I felt you were all SO VERY BRAVE. But then I began to think, why did we decide to Homeschool? It was a God moment. It was a change in direction for us. We were headed down the school path and GOD stopped that journey for us. It wasn't a selfish mom, it was a Holy Spirit leading.

Every time I gather with my other Homeschool moms, I feel energized and ready to teach. It is really a unique dynamic. I've never felt such a thing, as far as I can recall. It is so powerful and so beyond my imagination. It made me realize that you are all on your journey - the one God directed you to follow and I am on mine. Our roads are different on the surface but our obedience to His leading is the same. It is a little scary, it is untraveled, it is a faith walk. You are trusting God to keep your child's heart and to guard it, while they are away from you. You are trusting God to protect your child from harm via a friend or an unhappy teacher. You are walking this journey by faith. So am I! I am trusting God to show me how to teach. I am trusting God to guard my daughter's heart from my expectation. I am trusting God to guide us. So are you!

Today, we had school at home, again. Today, we had fun learning together, again. Today, I stepped out in faith, again! Today, I learned of another tool I can use to teach my child. Today, God showed up again for me!

I am so glad that you are following your path! I am so glad that you are so brave! I am so glad that I am reminded to not measure my journey to yours! Much blessing and much prayers to you as you follow that silent nudge of the Holy Spirit. The one whispering in your ear 'Go this way or Go that'!

Blessings!