The comments many of you left me today have me thinking! I am really sad to think I sank down to threatening my daughter to stop her from biting her nails. Some of your ideas are so obvious and so much better! Why didn't I think of them? I like to think I am a positive person and I like to think I try to use events of our day to teach our kids but I sure did miss the boat on this one.
Why would I be so stern about fingernails??? That is crazy! I took all of my daughters' dresses out of her closet thinking it would motivate her to earn them back. Why did I choose her dresses? Because every single day she comes up to me and asks: "Mom, I'm ready to get dressed now. Mom, I really really really want to wear a dress today. I do not like shorts and I do not like pants, so Mom, can I please wear a dress? Huh Mom??" This is her regular spill! This is every single day and verbatim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought this would motivate her and I was wrong.
My thoughts led me to the why. Not to say I won't be guilty of this again, but I pray I learn! I realized I tend to be more stern or threaten to take or lose my patience when I feel overwhelmed or fearful. I think I felt both in this. Sure, this is just nail biting but I didn't want her to do it. My brother STILL bites his nails and he is in his 30's. This is not likely to go away if I do not act now. So my fear of her doing this long-term led to my panicked reaction. Then the overwhelming feelings came - I cannot do anything about this. I have no way out. Thus the panic again.
I am not violent or mean. I just feel my reaction seems SOO over the top now!! I see the obvious things I should have done first via your comments. Fear is a mean little monster. It is so silly to let that kind of fear affect my reaction but I did. I am so ashamed of my 'brilliant' solution to this issue. I let a tiny fear lead my decisions. I am a bad Mommy today! But at least I learned something through the process! I think I will put myself in time out for a bit!! Thanks again to all of you who helped me see the light again!!
Many blessings!
**Update! When my daughter woke from her nap I apologized for taking her dresses and gave them back to her. I then told her how she would receive a manicure/pedicure (I told her paint on her fingers/toes) if she stopped biting. She began squealing, spinning, jumping, kissing and hugging me and everything in her way! She said 'Oh thank you, thank you Mommy! You are the greatest!' I am pleased we are venturing down a positive road with this now and her reaction leads me to believe we just might end this in a victory! Oh - we also prayed about this this AM too! Thanks again to all your ideas. I am using several of the ideas together. You all helped us get a win!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Bad Mommy for today!
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5 comments:
melodye, this is mommyhood. we all do things we wish we would not have, but we have to realize that the key is to move on and not to beat ourselves up. i have a tendancy to beat myself up over things. jeff always reminds me that tomorrow is a new day, and another chance to make better decisions about discipline. every day we build on what we learned the day before. you are a great mommy! your kids are lucky to have you :)
Here's another idea we tried on our 4 year-old. We promised him a toy that he REALLY wanted ($20) if he would stop biting his nails. He immediately tried to stop but still had occasional episodes. I helped him pray about it, and he stopped quickly thereafter. Within 4 weeks of the original promise, he had stopped and had his new toy. This toy is now a visual reminder to him of not biting his nails.
You know Melodye, that's what I love about blogging and being able to connect with moms who are in the same stage I'm at. When we reach a point of frustration, we can ask other Godly women what to do and what works. God uses each of us to help one another - to bless one another.
Just to share - my son picked up a phrase while we were on vacation - it wasn't awful, but it bothered me the way he said it. I at first thought I needed to punish, but then I just told him how I felt about it and we prayed about it and talked about what God would think of it. He hasn't said it since and its been a week and a half.
Your experience through this is helping many other moms! God is using you!
Don't be hard on yourself! It's "easy" for us to come up with answers b/c you asked us! We aren't involved. I can see a kid that needs a spanking a mile away but sometimes I wonder--should I spank Lydia for this? ;)
You've never been the mom of a nail-biter before! How would you know what to do?! Being a mommy is tough!
Don't think of your self as a bad mommy, think of yourself as a learning mommy! Your daughter saw you approach something in a way you wished you hadn't. But then, she saw you open your self to God's direction, learn from it, and ask for her forgiveness. I think she's learning a lot more than how to stop biting her nails! I think you're a great mom, and this post made me teary with your precious heart for the Lord and your daughter!
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