Jason Upton- "Under the Shadow"- Live in Albany

Verse 1

I've Been Running Trying To Find Me Refuge
Never Stopping Long Enough To See
All The While You Were Right There Waiting
To Hide Me In The Shadow Of Your Wings

Chorus

Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow Of Your Wings
I Will Find My Rest
Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow Of Your Wings
I Will Find My Rest

Verse 2

I Get So Thirsty Trying To Find Your Presence
That I Forget To Stop And Take A Drink
All The While You Are Right There Wanting
To Pour Your Healing Water Over Me

Chorus

Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow Of Your Wings
I Will Find My Rest
Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow
Under The Shadow Of Your Wings
I Will Find My Rest
In You

Bridge

It's Only In You
It's Only In You Lord

Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been thinking about how Thanksgiving is ONE of my favorite days each year, but the truth is it is my MOST favorite holiday!!! The thing I love about Thanksgiving is that it is not about giving/getting anything. It is about gratitude. It is a time to take a fresh look at our lives and say 'WOW, life is good!'. Sure, sometimes life is not all we want it to be - there are times of disappointment but.... amazingly to me - even in the bad times of life I can see how God has preserved us and it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. It's a time to appreciate God's grace on our lives!

It's also a time to remember what we DO HAVE. This world we live in presses us to the next thing all the time. The newest, latest, greatest thing to have is ever pressing upon us with a 'you must buy me' mantra in tow. But at Thanksgiving we can look at what we DO have versus what we do not have. We can be thankful for our truly bountiful blessings. Our homes, our vehicles, our washer and dryer, our dishwasher, our refrigerator and stove and beds and on and on. Such simple things we forget to think about. Our washer and dryer is a bit dated and at times I think of what it would be like to have the front loader, but then today as I was loading the washer I thought "I'm so thankful that our washer and dryer is working well. No problems with either of them." Sure, they sound like they are working hard when in use, with all the squeaking and such but... PRAISE GOD THEY WORK!!!!

It's also a time to be thankful for the people God has brought into our lives, family and friends. Sure, we all have those difficult relationships in our lives but.... I see those people as the relationships I learn the most from. They are NOT easy and those relationships often offer me the best they know how to give me today. Maybe it is due to a bias against me or maybe they are in such pain they cannot see how they are so hard to love, or maybe there is a mutually known conflict, whatever the case... I'm not mad at what they cannot give - I'm thankful they are prospering in their lives and that is enough. I don't want to look at what they are not - I do not expect anything more than what they offer. That is enough and that is how I can manage to show thanks for even the difficult people in my life. (And yes, at times, I know that I am the problem in some difficult relationships; but until God reveals that to me I usually do not see clearly either. Until He reveals that I have to approach the difficult relationships as I mention above.)

It's a time to stop and think 'WOW God - I don't know why you blessed me but you have blessed me indeed and for that I give you THANKS!' There is no 'gimmee gimmee gimmee' it is 'thank you, thank you, thank you'. He has done great things for us!

SO HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL! I pray your Thanksgiving is a true day of rest to you and your loved ones, that you are able to taste and see that the Lord, He is good!!

Jesus Culture 09 All I Need - Kim Walker)

Verse 1:
I left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak, You won't let go
Fall to my knees, as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father's heart that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

Chorus:
All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord, is You, Lord
All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord, is You, Lord

Verse 2:
One more day, and it's not the same
Your Spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Savior once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

Bridge 1:
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is You

Bridge 2:
You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold, You hold

Warfare and Beauty

The fight - the fight to hide out and keep myself from pain versus being fully and wholly me. It seems to be THE battle I've fought all my life, and continue to face from time to time. To hide is to keep a guard over pieces of me. To keep my heart bottled up in a dark hidden place where no one can hurt me and no one can evaluate me and no one can tear me to bits. Sounds good at the start but it never satisfies.

The more hidden my heart becomes the less of me I am free to be. I feel contrived and less authentic. I feel like I CAN'T be me during those times - like it isn't allowed or welcomed. As if to be me is a HUGE mistake for everyone to see.

I'm re-reading 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge with a few friends. This week we are reading about being romanced and about the beauty to unveil. That as women we ache to be romanced and we ARE beautiful.

The scripture shared was 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

Not saying that we can't or shouldn't wear beautiful things nor is it saying we should all be gentle and quiet. God makes us all unique and different. The inner beauty rises up from a heart at rest. Striving to BE beautiful is often not beautiful at all. It is only when we are at rest with our selves and who GOD says we are and what HE sees in us is when our beauty flawlessly rises up.

An excerpt from the book "God, in his faithfulness, is changing me. But I remain an extrovert. In fact, instead of making me into someone else, he is make me more me. And that is one of the beautiful things about him. That the more his we become, the more ourselves we become; more our true selves. So it is a good thing that I misunderstood the Scripture. Peter doesn't mean that beautiful women rarely speak above a whisper, if they speak at all. No. To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace. Not a heart that is striving and restless."

I know for me, my romance with God has done just that! I feel the most at rest with myself than ever before. I still war out the knowing of that and the resting in that from time to time. Just put me in a situation where I feel unsure about my surroundings or myself and BAM - my restless self rises back up! My striving to hide or be enough self rises up.

The most precious thing of all is that having found this rest with God has led me to quickly see when I'm fighting the urge to be at rest in a situation. And rather than get lost in a cycle of hiding out, He is quick to shine His light of loving truth on the matter and bring me back to where He wants me to be. At rest in Him, not striving to be enough in the room. I'm thankful my striving has become a more rare choice for me these days but when it does rise up - I feel so disappointed in myself for losing my rest in Him. It is never worth losing for anyone or anyplace! My rest in Him is priceless it is painless. It is my Shalom! Why in the world would I leave my very own Shalom to hide myself?

I love feeling like myself! There is no joy in playing guard over my own heart. It is natural to do that from time to time but I do not want to live there ever again. I've been freed from that job years ago and I get so frustrated when I see I've fallen back into that trap again - leaning on myself instead of resting in Him. I have to look at the fact that I am quick to return to Him, I don't stay there long but it sure feels like I'm falling none the less. I'm victorious in this anyway because back in the day I would take 1 step forward in my walk with Him and about 50 backwards. Now, the steps seem more like 20 steps forward and 2 steps backward. Who can complain with those odds?! I know the only way I'm now taking 20 steps forward and so few backwards is ALL due to Him! Without His grace and strength and His love and His smiling over me and His kindness and His mercy.... I would be back at the 1 step forward and 50 backward marker. Lord, may I REMAIN IN rest IN YOU!

Show me how to trust You more readily - even when I feel the urge to rise up and guard myself. Help me quiet the urge to fight for myself and help me rest in trust that YOU have it covered. I can't fight for myself well anyway, I much rather when you do it but I still have pieces I find it my sole job to cover just in case a dagger makes it through your protective covering. It sounds foolish to even say that but that is what my actions scream out - my actions to guard those tiny spots are screaming 'GOD CAN'T HANDLE THIS SO I HAVE TO!' What a sad fact to see glaring in my face - I choose to trust You to guard me beautifully. I just don't know how to stop myself from rising up to defend because even though I'm not saying anything in those moments, my silence is a guard. It keeps me from facing the giants that make me want to hide. I want to hide and yet I want to trust! Help me trust! I hate hiding and feeling beaten down with no voice. I'm tired of the silent smack downs I feel thrown my way whether I sit in silence or I stand and smile. I don't know if I'm in line with Your plan or if I'm hiding. Am I hiding myself in this or are you covering me so well that I feel hidden by You and think it's me? I am shielded by You! I am guarded and safe! I am under your wings! I am under your wings! I am at rest! I trust.

(I feel the need to assure those who may be concerned, it is truly well with me - this post is just the result of glimpses God gives me of times I failed to lean fully on Him. This causes me to see what I let go of, even if for just a moment, and this grieves my heart. No major trials surround me now, just a knowing that at times - I fail to trust Him fully when I want to desperately. That's all this is - a moment of clarity that keeps me pressing toward the mark!)

God's Grace in Nineveh

Have you ever felt like the journey you were on was detoured towards Nineveh while you weren't looking?! Last night I had a few things on my mind and it hit me - this journey feels like I'm headed to Nineveh. When did that happen?

I am no Jonah, this is for sure, but I can totally relate to that "I don't want to go there feeling. Anywhere but there!" All the while seeing that this may just be where God has been bringing me all along, a full circle moment of sorts. {sigh} Steve and I have found God's favor comes when you least expect it. The favor of God is usually a joyful experience, until it is in Nineveh.

Knowing you have God's favor involves things being quite easy and a fast pace forward all of a sudden. There is peace and ease and a sense of awe that leaves you feeling "What just happened? Really? This is happening to us.... now?! Wow! This sort of thing never happens!" It is a sudden fast track that comes from a divine moment perfectly orchestrated by The One Who spoke the world into existence. I have recently found myself sad about God's favor because it isn't in the place I was hoping it would be. It is in the place He knows has more impact and more purpose than I can see.

Unlike Jonah, I find myself right in the middle of this Nineveh instead of the belly of the whale. But I realized last night that I am in the place physically but my heart is not fully engaged. This was when I began to cry saying 'Why here? Why this place? Why?' and with tears streaming the thought came rushing into my head 'It feels like Nineveh and I don't wanna go!' Clearly I'm there but I didn't want to fully engage - arms distance please.... no closer... nothing to see here - move along. But that's when it became evident that God's favor is surrounding this place and we must engage. We must and I must surrender my hopes/plans/expectations so that I can be someone He can fully mold into His image.

He LOVES the people of Nineveh, I have to press in and release my opinions and see what He sees. He sees what matters and I see a limited view of something that makes me sad. Nineveh received what God sent Jonah to share - they were eager to repent and seek His face. I have to trust that if God sends us to a seeming Nineveh to me; then He has a receptive audience waiting to receive what He sends us to share. God's favor is such a unique and beautiful thing but it can also be a hard thing to walk in. My plans are not His plans - seems like a reoccurring theme in the Bible and in my life. I've got to yield my plans daily so that His plans may fully be fulfilled and His purposes will be accomplished. His favor may be hard to walk in at times, but the reward is always sweet at the end. Even sweeter when you grow in the midst of your favor. He never promised it would be easy but His grace, to walk in the hard places, is always sufficient!

*** The Nineveh I share as 'my Nineveh' is not a corrupt awful place - it is just a place that is not appealing to me. I only came up with the Nineveh example as I feel God showed me how I resist wanting to plug in where He is nudging me to do so. It isn't referring to a bad thing just the fact that like Jonah - I want to go another way instead of the way God was showing me. It was just an example God used to show me my heart regarding this. Just in case someone may try to 'understand' what I may mean - it's just an analogy.