Appeal to the Conscience and NOT Pride

Thanks to my friend allowing me to borrow her book, I've been busy reading "Shepherding a Child's Heart". The chapter I read today discussed how to appeal to your child's conscience. I just read the following"Hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the result of giving children (or people in general as far as I can tell) a keepable law and telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they become like the Pharisees, people whose exterior is clean, while inside they are full of dirt and filth. The genius of Pharisseism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ."

The thing I love about reading parenting books is that I often see where I slip up in my own life. Those places I think "I've got THIS". This paragraph seemed to break down the path to hypocrisy so clearly for me. We all have our moments that we wish we could see our 'tripping' spot and learn. This spoke volumes to me!

I wouldn't necessarily label myself as a hypocrite or self-righteous, BUT I can see how many of the days I feel icky about myself are days I've dared to follow this mind-set: even if only internally for a moment. Still makes me feel icky no matter how far I take it.

The following was how God draws us to obey Him: "God's standard is correct behavior flowing from a heart that loves God and has God's glory as the sole purpose of life. Discipline leads to the cross of Christ where sinful people are forgiven. Sinners who come to Jesus in repentance and faith are empowered to live new lives."

My heart's desire is to learn to model this better for my kids AND to see how to properly put this into action. I feel like I see a twinge of the Phariseeism coming out of my kids from time to time. We all have moments where we are puffed up with our abilities, so I can't knock them for having their moments. I just need God's wisdom in how to effectively remove that Pharisee-like drive from obedience and replace that with their conscience, as the guiding nudge toward God. Of course, I could use help in remaining more within my own conscience vs. my drive to obey too. I'm a stickler for following rules - so this one is hard for me, which is why I need God's help in modeling and teaching this to my kids. I get great joy from doing something well and right. I see how this clearly leads to a path I do not want to live my life by. Lord, hear my prayer!

The Yearning for Peace

We've been having behavior issues around our house lately. I've tried to be considerate of the many changes we've recently gone through (moved, kids now sharing a room, baseball practice/games added to schedule for JB - which has been hard for HC to endure, 10 days away on a road trip, still unpacking boxes in our house). In my efforts to give my kids time to adjust, I've allowed some behaviors to slide. Now here I am, over a month later, with no end to the bickering in sight wondering when/if this new war would end. Some of the more annoying issues we were dealing with daily - really every minute - were direct disobedience and constant fights over the most ridiculous issues.

We were due to begin school in early July so I was hoping this would help them settle down, because a schedule does tend to squeeze out some unnecessary fighting around our house. School began the first full week of July and we are seeing no change in the fighting/disobeying. We were having a play date with friends yesterday (I thought maybe my kids were in need of friends around) and that is when I realized that I could no longer give grace to my sweet kiddo's. It was time to correct this matter with no more hesitation. They were very mean to their friend - even seeming to gang up against this one friend. I was devastated! I was overwhelmed with this act of pure mean-ness (although I did actually think - well they ARE getting along with each other now. but this was VERY fleeting.). They've ALWAYS been glad to be with friends and they've ALWAYS reacted well to time with friends - this disturbed my heart to no end!

Once I put the kids down for their naps I could finally let all of the mornings activities sink in! I felt like I had just run a marathon - my energy was zapped, my head was POUNDING and my neck was a ball of tension. What on earth would I do to change my kids hearts now? I feared I let them have time to adjust for too long and had created monsters. Sure, all kids have bad days but this had grown into an unending war by now. I felt defeated. So I did what any other desperate mom would do - I shared my woes via facebook.

Many friends offered ideas to assist me and I was so encouraged. It surprised me that I had forgotten certain basic tools we once used without thinking. Now, in my distress these ideas were long gone. I started to pray and think 'God, what now? So many great ideas but what will work with my kids now?' I started thinking about what I should/could do. Should I not sign HC up for ballet this year? Should I cut out all friend play time? Should I take every toy they own and sell it on ebay? Should I put them in a chair and make them hold hands until love oozed out of their pores for one another? WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!???

Then it hit me, since moving we've put the kids in a room together and left one room as their play room/TV room. I could start with disconnecting that TV. So, when the woke from their naps I told them that their behavior caused me to take their TV. That they would not have ANY TV time until they began to obey right away AND learn to play well together again. No more fighting. In fact, if they continue to fight then I will take HC's baby dolls away and JB's cars away. This will serve to show them that they are hurting one another when they fight and that bad choices do have consequences. This brought tears for about 10 minutes and then suddenly they were playing together. The rest of the evening was full of giggles and playing. I was shocked.

This morning HC and JB began to argue with one another and so I told them to go bring me a doll and a car. JB was QUICK to obey (although he did so with tears) so he only had to bring me 1 car. HC brought me every junk doll that had no value to her so after 3 dolls of this I told her she now owed me 3 dolls for not obeying right away and because she didn't bring a special doll as I asked. After this incident, I decided today would be a PJ day and the kids climbed in bed with me and we just loved on one another. We had fun playing and laughing and tickling and hiccuping and now the kids were going to go play together in the play room.

As I reminded them of the rules, I heard these words flow out of my mouth "If you love Mommy, then show kindness to one another." {Gulp} Wow! I know - this is THE commandment that God has given to us. Matthew 22:37, 39, 40 Basically - love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, mind and love your neighbor as yourself. So if we love God properly we will love ourselves and others properly. I know this but it is hard to do, and I know it is/will be hard for my kids to accomplish this too. But I've never before understood the heart cry behind this scripture until going through this battle with my kids. My heart truly YEARNS for them to love one another. I KNOW they love me but it pleases me most when they show love to one another. I am humbled by this ache and I desire for the toxic areas of my heart to be fully purged so that I can properly love as God YEARNS for me to love. God have mercy on my very soul!

To Live Life or To Live a Schedule

I recently heard the following comment: "There are two types of families. One whose schedule revolves around life and one whose life revolves around a schedule." I know as my kids get older and start showing interest in activities that the temptation is to overbook our life. I know it takes intention to keep life at the center of life. It is so easy to allow the schedule to consume life. I think it takes wisdom and prayer to know when to say "No" to a good thing so we can say "Yes" to the best thing.

I am one for keeping a schedule - my kids need rest and too many outings in a week produces chaos in my house so... we do follow a schedule of sorts already. Right now our schedule is not over the top but a schedule can consume you by what you don't do. I see how easy it is to be consumed by a schedule of order, so that I don't break the rhythm of our day too. Going on outings during the scheduled nap can be a little trying on us and I've also said many "No's" to a better thing because I didn't know if I was up for the interruption to our schedule. Either err is not beneficial. It is important to LIVE life and not just plan life. I fight the urge to plan and keep order and not interrupt but I am learning to relax and LIVE! It's much more fun to get out of our box and see the world than to stay bound to a nap.

This 'type of family' comment really jumped out to me and my prayer is that our family remains a source of life for us and doesn't become a rat race. We aren't in the over-scheduled world yet and I pray we find the right rhythm for our family - a life giving rhythm and not always running a race that never ends. I also don't want to stop living for fear of life interrupting the easy schedule either. Such a balancing act but I want to live a full life that keeps living interesting.... not predictable and safe nor do I want to become so busy that we do not have time to enjoy anything because we are always running. Both extremes would be a sad choice. Oh for wisdom to keep life balanced so that it produces life and not regret.

They Make Me Smile I Tell Ya!

(This sweet picture was taken by our photographer friend Mandy! She did an EXCELLENT job for our family photos! Click the photo and you will be directed to her website, so you can see more of her work! She is FABULOUS!)

I sure LOVE my kids! Today I was reminded of a sweet incident that I do not want to forget. Today my JB finished his lunch and I heard the water running. I said "Turn off that water!" JB said "I was just rinsing my plate Mom. I will turn it off after I rinse this last crumb." WOW! Gotta love that! What a nice surprise for my sweet boy to clean his plate.

The sweet memory this act brought to mind for me happened 2 Saturday's ago. Steve and I had an errand to run and a friend knew about it. She asked to keep the kids so that we could make the most of our errand time and we took her up on the offer. When I called to check in on the kids she said "I have to take a minute a brag on your kids! We were all eating sandwiches and JB finished his. HC got up and whispered something in JB's ear. JB immediately got up and took his plate and mine to the sink. Before I could say anything HC announced 'I taught him to be a gentleman for you.'"

My heart sang with pride! I mean - I teach them good habits but when the habits stick without my provoking them... that's when it seems the repetition is finally not for naught. I just had to take a minute and put this memory down on paper. :) I love being Mom! What an honor! And as a side note - I just pulled HC's 2nd tooth! This was my first go of tooth pulling and I was shockingly able. I usually cringe at the sight of a wobbly tooth so this was major progress for me! :)

Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

A glance back down memory lane explains much to me. We moved about 3.5 years ago and I've noticed a familiar feeling return - "Do I really know anyone here and does anyone really know me?" We moved around much when I was in school. I think I attended 3 or 4 elementary schools and 2 different middle schools. We finally settled in one place my last year of middle school and I finished high school in the same place.

Over the last 3.5 years I've felt like I was back in middle school. I know that in truth I'm not, but the feeling of being in a new place stirred up the feelings I once new well in middle/high school. Where do I belong? Who can I trust? How can I plug in this community? Same questions - different stage of life.

The first 2 years were great. I was plugging in and feeling like life was treating me fine. Then that 3rd year hit me when I wasn't looking. It was a doozy! I started feeling like I hadn't really gotten to know anyone, really. It was all the surface stuff that, as a Mom, we cannot help indulging in. It isn't our fault really! Every conversation is at the mercy of our wee ones. Every bit of knowledge of the friendships made in the first 2 years was deeply fragmented. My kids were at ages that they needed me and therefore I look back and think... there is SO much I feel I don't really know about the connections I made in those first 2 years. This was how I felt but I didn't have words to express because I was 'in' the moment and it wasn't clear why I felt so disconnected. Looking back now we were all sharing the new feeling of being called Mommy; but that wasn't all there was to know about one another.

It wasn't until reading a friends list of '25 things about me' that it hit me how true one of her 'facts about her' fit all Moms really. She wrote "People didn't used to be so surprised to find out I have a sense of humor. I don't know what happened. It IS a little dry I guess." The other obvious thing I noticed was I knew so little about her. Seeing her list - NONE OF THAT came up in our many conversations!!! How can that be possible?! That list of 25 - I did mine and I know for me - I shared things that seemed most like me to me; so knowing I didn't know these things about her was jarring.

After pondering her #19 on her list - the humor one - I finally saw it all clearly! How fragmented much of my time is with my friends. No time for real talk. We talk about the here and now and what is going on with our kids mostly. Stages of change for them, progress, behavior issues and how we handled it.... on and on the list goes. Where are WE in that conversation? We are becoming Mothers.

Often that requires a sacrifice of 'me'. Whether you are a working Mom or a SAHM (stay at home mom) the 'me' changes. The single me changed into the married me and now the married me is responsible for little lives. I've never learned MORE about myself than I have by being a Mom but I've also never felt so unknown by those in my life than I do now.

I think it is a season but for now I do feel like I'm beginning to break out of the being unknown feeling. Seeing that it exists and that I was so deeply hidden made me more intentional to offer the 'me' in my time with friends AND it made me more intentional to find the 'me' of those who surround me. There is nothing worse than being surrounded by GREAT people who you really love and care about and realize they have no idea who I am and sadly I don't know them at all either. I know there heart, as far as mothering is concerned, but that is almost all I know about them! I'm awake to this distraction and I want to know all the 'me's' that I call friends. They are ALL dear to me - even the ones I rarely see or chat with via the www - but they are still important to me and I am now wanting to know the 'me' I failed to know when we had more time together!

That Will Cost You a Penny

My kids love love love love love love love love love love LOVE putting coins in their piggy banks. Today I had my limit of telling HC the same thing over and over... "Stop complaining, arguing and whining. Just obey Mommy right away." There have been times when I've been provoked to say the same sentence so many times in a single day that I finally begin shouting and losing my cool. My goal this year is to enforce our rules without losing my cool. I'm FAR from perfect and I have already missed my mark BUT.... I've raised my voice so much less lately.

My latest wins have been due to stopping in the moment and saying to myself "what are you going to do now? you got any new ideas? how you gonna get this in their hearts so they begin obeying without you over their shoulders?" This was quickly followed by "God, I have NO idea what to do next. Any ideas how to make this sink in without my temper growing into the mad monster?"

One win was when JB REFUSED to share a toy and HC was DEVASTATED! The complaining from HC alone was deafening. JB was shouting in a hateful tone about how he would never share with her again. Same old song, different day. They often change roles in this scene alone. They are GREAT at being equally stubborn. The last time this occurred, I stopped and prayed because I was at a loss. All my efforts up to now had hit the proverbial wall and fallen flat. I prayed for wisdom with how to handle the moment and separated the kids. Then I had an obvious solution, maybe to the veteran parent, that I tried before with little success.

I told HC that JB did not have to share with her. There have been many times where she refused to share and this made JB sad too. Then I told JB, how about I put the timer on and you play with the toy and when the beeper goes off.. then HC can have a turn. JB said, "That's a GREAT idea Mommy." I turned on the timer and before the timer even beeped JB offered HC her turn. Problem solved. Since then this solution has worked many times. Maybe they are now old enough to reason with?

Today, I was sick of the whining and such from HC. The drama she can create when she is not happy is exhausting. I was about to spout off the normal banter when I had a great idea! Pennies!!!!! I told HC.. "Mommy is making this sign. Every time you complain or whine or argue with Mommy. I will make a mark on the sign. At the end of the day we will see how many times you complain and we will take that many pennies from your piggy bank." Silence. The arguing/debating I normally hear was gone. Crickets was all I could hear and boy was that a welcome change.

Then JB wandered into the room and asked about the sign on the wall. I explained the rule and told him that I was now making a sign for him too but his sign is going to be different. He will get a mark for every time he hits or says mean things. JB said "OK Mom. I'm going to be the nicest to my sister. OK?" I said "Great!"

Some say they've tried this and it has a short life but... for now I am experiencing peace. At this point a coin is a coin so dollar value doesn't matter. What does matter is I haven't heard 'but Mom' since enforcing this rule. No more harsh words towards HC from JB. Just good ole fashion cooperation is making a comeback in my house! Now that is music to my ears.

(Just had another idea - I think we will begin giving a coin to them everytime they obey right away! I've gotta get that one in their heart asap!)

A Masterpiece

The definition of 'Masterpiece' is a very great work of art; a person's best work or highest achievement.

I know at times the mundane daily life of staying home with my kids seems so small. It seems like it isn't big enough. Anyone could do what I am doing. What is so significant about breaking up arguments, teaching them to read, correcting the same error over and over, wiping their bottoms, cleaning up mess after mess after mess, breakfast, lunch and dinner, shopping, park time, and on and on the list could go. Where is the significance? Where is the beauty?

I just heard someone say "Your child is your masterpiece." I know that is true. It is an easy thing to forget in the daily grind of life but... every little lesson I teach my kids matters. Every tickle matters, every hug matters. They are going to eventually be on their own and participate in society. My contribution now matters.

Of course I know my part in this experience, a helper and not the true maker. I am on staff for The Most High and I must represent Him well. I am not perfect and I do not make all the right choices but... I am responsible for doing my best and trusting Him to fill in the spots I miss. He fills in where my temper is running the show instead of me. He fills in when I miss something of value to my kids, by dismissing it as a small thing. He fills in when I am a poor example of what is lovely, true and of a good report.

I must not forget the masterpieces I have in my hands right now are not finished. I am still adding to these two works daily. My masterpieces will not be all mine forever. My masterpieces will have their own agenda and freedom to choose what they do with their time. My masterpieces will not need me to do it all one day. I need to enjoy every minute before I look back and wonder when my masterpieces grew up. I just needed to remember this today. Today I plan to enjoy every minute I have with my two favorite masterpieces.

Tough Life Lessons For A 5 Year Old

This semester we signed the kids up for their first individual 'class'. HC takes ballet and JB takes KinderMusik. My first motivation was for HC to have some girly fun but it became clear that there was another life lesson that was just around the corner.

HC took her class and JB quietly sat next to me in the hallway. I brought a coloring book and a Highlights book to keep him busy. He sat still. So content even while other kids were running around like it was time for recess. He would ask questions as to why they were running but he remained content with what I brought for him to do.

As I sat there with him, I began to think.... how will HC handle sitting while JB is in his class. I knew that if I were sitting with HC, in the middle of all that chaos, my sweet girl would be so distracted that she would be driving me caRAZY to join in the 'fun'. She would have begged me, cried, whined and made EVERY effort to convince me that even if those kids were not obeying... she would obey and have fun. I wondered how to teach HC a lesson so clearly learned by her baby brother. The lesson to sit still and to be content with what is in your hand.

She has neither trait mastered. JB can sit quietly and entertain himself with no trouble but my HC demands help and your focus. She must discuss any and every thought she has the instant she has it. She must do the fun thing - she cannot be the only one doing the boring stuff. She MUST play, she MUST laugh, she MUST talk, she MUST not be required to be still. That being still stuff sounds like torture to her.

We attended JB's first class and I sat in the hall with HC. I didn't realize the class was an interactive one and so the first class I sat with HC alone. Since his class is a morning class there were NO kids lingering about. The sound of laughter and fun happening behind the door was enough to keep her worried. "Why do I have to sit here? Why does JB get to do all the fun stuff?" and on and on it goes. She didn't finish coloring one page, she didn't enjoy her Highlights stickers, she was preoccupied with what she wasn't doing. It is her weakness. She cannot comprehend why she should be left out of anything remotely fun.

Towards the end of JB's class they invited us to join the last song. At the end of it all the teacher gave away stickers. HC HAD to have one too. The following week I joined JB in the class and brought HC some busy work stuff and I joined JB. We've slowly gone from her asking me a question every 5 minutes, to trying to do the moves with us, to asking me questions every 20 minutes, to finally - last week.... my HC sat quietly the entire 45 minutes without disturbing us or trying to join. She still expects a sticker though. I am so proud of her progress!

This Sunday, at church JB came out with his bag from class and there were a few mini-candy canes in his bag. She did not get a bag but she was fine. In fact, there have been several services where she received suckers and ate them in front of JB without offering him a taste or being considerate of him. She also gets a sucker every night at ballet - JB gets nothing. We hear nothing from JB. No "where's my sucker?" No "that's not fair!" Nothing! NADA! He simply asks HC how her class went. Well, this Sunday she discovered that JB had candy canes and she had NADA! She was devastated! She cried for 1 hour. And although I could have given her one of JB's (because he would definitely share) I didn't even offer her one. She wailed on and on for 1 hour. Wow! We were making progress and now she still thinks it's all about her! I guess we will figure this lesson out soon too! I want her to be content and thankful without wanting what she doesn't have. What a hard lesson to learn! But a valuable one! I don't know how JB managed to learn this lesson already but.... I need a how to book on how to teach this lesson to HC! What a tough thing to learn! My HC is generous and kind and thankful and thoughtful and concerned for others.... just as long as she isn't getting the short end of the deal! Round 2 of being content, while being left out, coming up! Whew - seems like this will be a tough one to teach!

What's a Mom to Do?

I am surrounded by friends who correct their children and follow through. Conflicts arise and overly eager children do get distracted and fall into the trap of being 'kids'. Totally normal and totally expected! I get it.

HC is taking ballet at a local church. Reason 1 - we wanted to be sure HC liked ballet before we tossed $400 a season, and 100's for a costume, for something she may not like. Reason 2 - it is do-able financially (I guess this is understood by reading reason 1). By going to a more lax environment you give up certain perks. HC will not be in a formal performance with the atmosphere just right. HC is not learning in a ballet studio. HC is among girls of several ages and abilities. Another less obvious perk is a controlled atmosphere.

The atmosphere is the topic I am puzzled about today. We've been taking HC to ballet for 6 weeks now. Because it is at a local church the ladies all know one another. Night 1, 2 and 3 I was there every week back to back without JB. Steve was home with JB. I sat among these ladies expecting to get to know them. Our common ground of our girls taking ballet together seemed like an obvious start to communication. Thank God Almighty I brought my I-pod and a book. They began chatting away without even trying to make me feel welcome. It was very uncomfortable. I didn't want to impose on their clearly drawn line and so I then planned on bringing my book and music - take a Mommy break. Ahhhh....

Nights 2 and 3 were very similar except for the fact that these moms had other children - some older and younger who now began to run all over and were obnoxiously LOUD. Night 2 I sat at a table with the Moms (giving communication a 2nd go - no luck I must have had oozing boogers pouring out of my nose without my knowledge. They looked at me like 'why is she sitting here?') Night 3 I chose to go sit down the hall (away from all the loud unruly children so that I could read more than 2 pages without trouble).

Tonight I brought JB and we sat at the furthest end of the hall. I brought him some books to keep him busy and he quietly sat and colored while I read. Five minutes of peace and then 2 WILDLY OUT OF CONTROL little ballerina's chose to run up and down the hallway. Running wasn't enough - they had to SCREAM IN A LOUD pitch. Their moms were all the way down the other end of the hall and NEVER got up to correct them nor did they get up while the girls remained WAY out of their view for long periods of time.

Steve has been out of town since Monday and returns Friday night. I was beyond my normal limits of trying to ignore this. I was screaming inside as I quietly answered JB's obvious question "Mommy, why are those girls not being good listeners?" Sad thing was - it wasn't the girl's fault. It was the Mom's. I am so careful to not judge others but this scenario is really offensive. It isn't an isolated incident - it happens every.single.week!

When you are in a situation like this... what do you do? At the end of all the torment I was surrounded by - these little ballerinas were taking water out of the water faucet into their tiny hands to drink from their hands. Problem was - 90% of the water was pouring onto the carpeted floor.

I am used to being surrounded by like minded Moms who are proactive and who do correct their kids and although kids DO act like kids - they take their responsibility of raising THEIR children seriously. They do not leave it to chance that their children may eventually learn to behave by osmosis. I cannot sympathize with repeat offenders. I don't care how familiar a place I am visiting with my children - they are required to meet the behavior standard I've set. Sure - there are times (very rare times thank God) that I leave somewhere embarrassed by the scene my kids have put on. But I tell you - these days that happens less and less. Are my kids super kids? Am I super Mom? No and NO! My husband has a quote he often repeats "persistence breaks resistance". I guess that sums up our parenting motto. I am not going to let their persistent misbehavior break me - I choose to persist in my training them up in the way they SHOULD go. I can't bear the daily battles those moms have chosen for themselves. Why would anyone CHOOSE that lifestyle on purpose?? If they misbehave that consistently in public - I would HATE to see what goes on behind closed doors. I guess I've had enough. I've reached my limit of these 2 girls and their Moms. Maybe I can attribute the inner screaming tonight to the fact that I am on day 4 of no husband... I hope that is it.

What do you do in this scenario?
a. Sit quietly seething about the obvious disrespect of others these girls are being taught?
b. Realize the Mom's do not know any better and thank God you do.
c. Go tell the Moms that the girls are pouring water on the floor?
d. Ask the girls to be a little quiet (as they are piercing your ear drum and you fear your ear may explode. you don't have extra $ for a co-pay) or
e. All of the above!

Inquiring minds want to know.....

I've lost control of the reigns...

Now JB's doing it too! ho hum!

I have carefully organized and kept the kids rooms in order for so long. Last year (or the year before - foggy memory on this change with HC) HC began to take over the 'order' of her room and can I tell you - I see PILES of cluttered mess! My battle has been... do I take over or do I let her make a mess of things and bring my way of doing things into light when she looks for the missing toy that she HAS to find NOW and say... "That's why Mommy had certain types of things in certain drawers.. so we always knew where they were." Yes - how lame am I to try to slam a 5 year old for a messy room but - I hate the cluster of clutter in every nook in her room. And don't get me started about the state of her dresser drawers!

Now - I was looking to see if we had any wipes left in this house (because wipes are GREAT for getting deodorant marks off of black fabric and in picking up laundry my deodorant made a mark on my freshly cleaned shorts). Anywho... I went into JB's room to look for wipes. He is the last one in need of them so... this was a great place to start the search. I opened JB's cabinet in his room. The one that was ALWAYS so orderly and I could guarantee finding exactly what I needed in 2 seconds or less - it was a wreck. Clean clothes mixed with dirty clothes mixed with toys! It is already bad enough that when I go into JB's room I find random clothes thrown about the room from a sudden need for a wardrobe change (due to JB trying to match his clothes to Daddy). So his floor is strewn about with a mixture of dirty clothes and clean clothes and who knows WHICH is clean or dirty these days!

And to answer the glaring question of "why is this new news - the condition of his dresser?" My kids are responsible for putting away their laundry after I fold it. I hang their items that require hanging but THEY put away their laundry. So that is why I didn't know of the chaos I found in JB's cabinet. They do have good habits but I want them to want organized space without me bullying them into that habit. Is that a ridiculous thing to hope for? I find it hard to know when I should push my way on them versus letting them learn what's best on their own. I know - I've only begun to fight this battle. It will spread to many areas before I know it.

I am losing control little bit by little bit and I do not enjoy this (I guess that's better than losing it all at once). My kid's nice clean rooms are becoming pits of randomness right before my eyes. When do I play the Mommy card and make them do what I want? Or is it just best to give them the chance to find their way of 'organizing' their own rooms. For now I am trying to give freedom but.... I am screaming for order inside!

SO bad.. but so good I forgot the bad!!

What do you see?? I see two little humans who were a nightmare in the grocery store but.... they managed to be such little darlings at the hair salon that I forgot about the kids I had in the grocery store! Here they are sporting their fresh cuts (and HC's style - french braid. Mommy doesn't know how to do much with her hair!) While we were at the hair salon the ladies there went on and ON and ON AND ON about how great my kids were. They sat still for their cuts AND they were quietly waiting while the other one had their turn. To be honest - I was proud too! We do have these type of moments on a fairly regular basis, the kind where they are beyond good. It means so much more when others can't stop raving about them too! (Too bad those in the grocery store could not enjoy the same version of my kiddos! haha I guess you can't win them all!!) JB has two cowlicks on the front of his hairline - so that is why his hair appears uneven but.. it isn't! Finally we found a stylist who could understand English and did not cut his hair too short!! I took the kids to the lady who cuts my hair. It is a little more money, but it is worth it to have a good hair cut!
HC looked at herself in the mirror when we arrived home and said "Mom, I don't think I look like myself with my hair like this!" But boy was she beyond thrilled with her hair length!! She sat in the mirror turning her head side to side so her hair would swing! It was precious! JB gets his hair cut about 3 times before we have hers done. I think she enjoyed the pampering! Who wouldn't!?!

Struggling to Grow

Over the weekend I made JB a pair of pants. He had to take off his shorts so that he could try the pants on - that way I could see where I needed to adjust the pants. We did this several times, and although JB has been dressing and undressing himself for sometime, I really noticed the struggle it was for him to do this simple task. It took so much effort and so much concentration. Something I do not even think about any longer is so much work for him. We had to battle with him a little on Sunday because he didn't even want to try to take off his shoes. He knew we were more than able and we wanted to show him how to do this for himself.

His desire for ease versus our desire for him to grow and learn. To develop skills that are basic skills. It made me stop and think. First of all - how often do we all want the easy way out. We know someone else is more-abled than we are in an area and so we don't want to even bother trying - let them do it! Why should I go through all this effort and struggle when they can do it without a thought. I sat and watched my little guy wrestle his will with ours. I watched him finally give a meager try with success. The success didn't please him, but over time - before we know it - he too will be dressing himself without even needing any of our help. HC needs our help less and less each day! As much as I enjoy my kids at their stages today, I know it will not benefit them one bit to keep them bound to needing me for the mundane tasks.

Thankfully, Father God keeps drawing us to grow and stretch too! I am one of those people who LOVES learning! I love to accomplish things and scratch them off of the list! I am also one of those people who drags their feet when change approaches me. I do it - but I do it scared! I doubt myself and I am not eager to change. How boring would life be if we stopped growing! I love the details that God added when He created heaven and earth! He knew the joy we would experience at each level! He knew that we would need the challenge of growing! What details!! He didn't leave a thing out!

Words of Wisdom

Several weeks ago I began reading the book "My ABC Bible Verses" by Susan Hunt to HC. We do it first thing on our school days. The very first verse discussed is "A soft answer turns away wrath." Proverbs 15:1. HC has been great in remembering the verses and the stories really do help her understand the meaning better.

The other day we were going somewhere that HC was not sure about. She was concerned that someone would be mean to her. I told her I thought everything would be OK and I began to talk more when HC said "I know Mom. I know! If so and so is mean to me then I will give them a soft answer. Right Mom? It turns away wrath right?" I love it when she gets it! :)

A few days ago we were at a play date with a friend HC hasn't seen in awhile (this IS a different story) and the little girl came running to her Mom saying "HC took my treasure. HC took my treasure Mom. SEE." When the little one opened her hand she revealed gravel rocks. Her mom (without missing a beat) said to her darling, in the most gentle tone ever, "B you really shouldn't treasure rocks. It is just a rock." Her daughter dumped the rocks and said "OK". I was shocked! What a BRILLIANT answer. How many times have I said, in a similar situation, "HC, why don't you share your 'treasure' with your friend?" I totally missed the bigger picture! That is why I LOVE interacting with Mom's and their kiddo's. Another persons perspective can be so eye opening! I will be remembering this answer, I hope!

Consequences

A few days ago HC was watching one of the tv shows she likes and the character had a consequence. HC said "MOM, they have a consequence too! JUST.like.ME!" I guess it comforted her to know she wasn't alone in the crazy world of consequences! :)

I stopped comparing, for today.

It is easy to dismiss the good you ARE doing when you are busy comparing your journey to others. I thought we were not getting enough Bible in our lessons, once I looked at what we were doing I found we were fine all along.

We were:
1. Listening to Bible story CD's (with music too) in the van

2. I read Bible verses repeatedly until HC began saying "Shh, shh Mom. I want to say it by myself." (Like the Lord's Prayer)

3. We have learned 3 Bible scriptures (not counting the passages mentioned in #2)

4. We read Bible Stories - we have a collection of Veggie Tale books that discuss character issues like Sharing , etc.

5. We read prayer poems

6. We start our school day with worship

7. We pray. HC is even telling me "I trust God Mom. I told God I trust Him to help me with x-thing." This has become a common statement lately. Which tells me SHE is praying on her own too!

Anyway, just wanted to say that when we are busy comparing our journey to another person's journey - we often miss what we ARE doing right. Not to mention the constant supervision of me, Mom, has taught my kids conflict resolution. They are friends (9 times out of 10). Not in theory. They really ARE friends. They take care of each other, they help each other, they encourage each other, they LIKE each other, they are genuinely kind to one another!! That doesn't just happen!! It isn't my doing, it is a God thing. Obviously God knows how to reach my kids hearts and He is busy doing just that! What an awesome thing to recognize!

So I will stop comparing my journey to yours for today. Then tomorrow, I will choose to stop again! Such an easy thing to say but so difficult to do. I think we all tend to look to our fellow Moms, and their kids, as a barometer for our kids. It is easy to forget that our kids are different. They have different gifts, talents and abilities as well as different emotional needs and different methods of learning. God is the only one with the plan that will work. He knows how to lead us so we can lead them! I hate to say that I tend to check in with my Mom friends on how they handle x-issue before I pray sometimes. I hope to seek Him first in this area. I will do that today!

New words of wisdom

Two new favorite quotes in two days! My newest favorite is from a new book I picked up today (for a small group I am attending). The book is Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel.

"My children aren't perfect, but neither are yours. If we ever run into each other's children on the streets let's not judge each other as bad parents. Let's give one another the benefit of the doubt!"

Sounds like a great deal - any takers???

Carved on Stone

Today I read something that makes me want to avoid error more than ever before! I want to print this out and put it on all the walls of my house! This is so easily forgotten when your child asks you the same questions over and over and over and you just want one minute of quiet! This is so easily forgotten when you are in a hurry and they want to talk about the worm on the sidewalk!! This sparks a huge shift in my recognizing the temporary phase of all of this. I want to encourage the questions, not stifle their love of learning! I want to encourage their gifts and not argue they are not valid. I want to see clearly and not get caught up in a distracting snow storm that isn't a valuable use of my time! Here is the quote I read:

"What you learn in old age is carved on ice.
What you learn in childhood is carved on stone." (David Kherdian)

Stone is permanent, ice is temporary! What a strong analogy!

I am reading a book I've read before "Child-Sensitive Teaching" by Karyn Henley. I read this book before I became a Mommy. I have been involved in children's ministry for more than 10 years (this was suggested as a good book during those days). I know I read this statement when I first bought this book, but now it means so much more. The preschool years are one of the more important stages of training. I know I mess up from time to time. I think I am on the right track most of the time. Reading this again makes me want to buckle down and make sure I am not missing any key opportunity to pour the right things into my kids.

I want them to feel safe and secure (when they feel their love tank is full, without doubt) they are then free to care for others. If they are constantly working to get attention from us, they are self-focused. I want my kids to know they are loved and cherished so they are free to grow into healthy life giving adults. I want them to know right from wrong so they won't ride the fence wondering "Is this really wrong or only wrong when I'm caught?". I want them to be fully equipped to live the life God intends for them to live. I don't want my mistakes, or my bad days, to misguide them. Only God knows what is in their hearts today. Only God knows what good or bad we (hubby and I) have done to affect their view of life, love and God. I can't let myself play the what if game. The only solution is to surrender again to God's ability to know more than I do. Surrender again to the fact that I will mess up, but with God's leading He can take what is meant for bad and make it become good for my sweet kids!

I am SOOOO glad that the big stuff is HIS job!! My job is to point them to Him, His job is to draw them to Himself. What stress life would be if I thought it was all on me. Granted - parenting is stressful at times, but I can't imagine how heavy a burden I would carry if I thought I was the one responsible for my kid's very souls! They are my responsibility. I am charged to raise them up in the way they should go, His job is to change their hearts! Whew! Thank God for that!!

Daddy and JB

As you can see in the picture in my previous post, JB is "the same" with Steve. I had this post in save mode waiting to share our sweet story. When I began to do the finishing touches and post it, I suddenly felt the responsibility of ALL the times they both wanted to do things just like we do. So now I want to share the behind the scenes story of the photo I took of hubby and JB.

The last few times we dressed JB in pants with pockets he begins to walk around with his hands in his pockets. We were walking from the car to the restaurant Wed night before church several months ago. We normally hold JB's hand as we walk across the parking lot but that night JB told Steve (in a nice way) "I not hold you hand Dad. I hold my pocket." Steve agreed to this and they both walked with hands in pockets side by side. They began walking together and JB looked up at Steve (with a wow you're awesome look in his eyes) and said "Dad, you got a watch." Steve said 'Yes I do" JB smiled and looked down as he continued to walk, then JB said "Wook at the weaf (leaf) Dad." JB then strutted into the restaurant like he was a man. It was one of the absolute cutest moments we've ever had with him. He is always all about Daddy but this time it was with that hero twinkle in his eye!!

Look, I'm just like you!

I want make-up like you Mom.

Wook at me Dad, I have pockets just like you. I want to wear my hair down like you Mom.
Come on Dad, let's wear our bandannas together.
Come on brother, let's fall back.

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

They are always watching! I pray for a heart of wisdom that guides me to live every minute in line with what I believe. I want to practice what I teach. I don't want to leave my fingerprint. I want to be a tool God uses to draw my kids to Him! What a huge responsibility. Sometimes I am in awe of the task of raising kids and there are other times I am exhausted by the thought! I never take it for granted, it took us too long to have kids for me to knock any phase we go through. I just pray I never get in the way of what God has in store for these two precious lives! My agenda is not important - God's agenda is imperative! I don't want to miss a second of His plan!! God always does things better than I could ever imagine! Don't you just love that about Him??

Blessings to you all!!

The Truth will set you free!

Many of my friends remember this story. I have since had to remove the original post due to unwanted guests. That is another story. All I will say is Site Meter can give you more information than just how many visitors you have. It can tell you what posts are being visited and with a little investigation (when something doesn't seem right) you can find out if your visitors are friendly or hateful people. I digress. Onto the point of the story. My sweet little JB was accused of the following crime: Unlawful use of a Marker!


We assumed he did it. He was holding the marker when we discovered the offense and therefore we concluded he was guilty. Our court was closed. End of story. Or so we thought! Today, JB pulled out Buzz to play and brought a wipe to me. He said "Mom, can you help me cwean Buzz off?" HC was standing there and said "I did that Mom." She said it so softly and as though it was finally confession time. She said, "I told a lie. JB didn't do it. I did." I asked, "Did you color the wall, sofa and buzz and JB or did JB do some too?" She said, "I did all of it. JB didn't do it."

I sent her to her room to think about what she did AND so I could gather my thoughts. When she returned, from her room, she looked at me with her puppy dog eyes and asked what would happen. I told her she needed to take all of her coins in her piggy bank and buy JB a new Buzz AND a Woody too! The Buzz would replace the one she ruined and the Woody was because she lied. She cried because she loves putting money in her piggy bank and wants her money to grow. I told her that she needed to do the right thing and replace it since she damaged his toy.

Can you believe??? I mean we were CONVINCED that JB did this!! No doubt whatsoever. I feel awful. He didn't get into trouble but we did fuss at him for the mess and made a big deal (in a this is wrong way not mean way) so he would not do this again!! She sat and watched that unfold with no remorse or anything. I guess we have the truth now but I am still shocked!! Oh well. That is finally over and done.