Knowing Who You Are

Lately, I've come to see the value of knowing our true identity, if you don't have a strong knowing of who you are then someone can convince you that you are who they say you are. This is an important thing to know in our daily walk of life. If we waiver in our identity then we are easily swayed with the events of the day. There is no stability in our lives when we are unclear as to who we are.

I have been pondering this thought for sometime now. "Who do I think I am, really?" versus "Who do people think I am?" versus "Who does God say that I am?" It is easy to see who we are with a few labels: I am Morning Song on my blog, I am Melodye in my every day life. Who is Melodye? Well, the obvious answers are "I am the oldest of 4 in my family, a Daughter and Granddaughter of faith filled parents/grandparents, wife of my husband, mother of my children, believer in The One True God, lover of Bible Studies, constant learner, teacher to my children (we home school), friend to many, etc., etc. The list could go on and on.

"Who do I think I am?" I have come to learn that my identity, as comes from my perspective, is surprisingly skewed. I am a perfectionist, when left to my own vices, and so my perspective of myself is often way off. I see a big mess, someone who just can't quite say it right, someone who could have said that/done that/known better. Ever-achieving for better.... the elusive pinnacle of perfect, and yet I know better! I am not perfect, I don't even see myself as perfect but I strive for that. I want to do whatever I do 'THE right way'. I don't want to be slothful or inefficient. I want to be a doer and to do things well.

"Who do they say think I am?" I have little idea of what my friends see when they see me. I hope they see a considerate and kind friend who cares for them. Someone they can lean on and depend on. Someone who loves them and cares for them and wants the best for them. But, no matter what, my mistakes in relationships often overshadow the good reports in my mind (no matter how few and far between they are). This could be the same answer for my family members too.

I hope my kids see a Mom who loves them dearly and a Mom who guards their hearts and teaches them the ways of the Lord. But I often feel failed in this task too because I often mess up and feel like a dog for the bad days, when my temper leads me instead of my prayer life. I hope my husband sees a loving wife who is there for him when he needs me, the wife he needs me to be, the true help that God has called me to be and not off on my own agenda neglecting my role. The truth is, I mess that up too. I look at the things that don't matter at times and neglect what does.

So who am I? Which answer is right? My 'hope to' answer or the perspective of the many 'they's' in my life? Neither! I've come to see how important it is to see and know who I am in Christ. Because 'in Melodye' I am a mess; but 'in Christ' I am victorious. In Christ I am the apple of His eye, in Christ I am a delight to Him, in Christ I am strong, in Christ I am cherished and valued, in Christ I am a conqueror, in Christ I am given supernatural favor. But the key is to stay IN CHRIST! That takes diligence and purposed seeking of Him. In my own strength I am weak, in my own strength I am tired. In Him I am strong, in Him I am renewed when I feel weak.

When I don't know who I am - I am easy to influence by the opinion of another. The only opinion that matters is HIS. If He sees me as beautiful.... I'm beautiful. If He sees me as well pleasing to Him.... then I'm well pleasing, even when another might find my acts to be less than pleasing. If He sees me as strong...... then I am strong, no matter how scared and weak I feel. If He sees me as able.... then no matter how much I feel this is beyond me, I am able. The key is hearing and seeing HIS report of who I am.

Lately there has been a question of sorts that has been a torment to me. "What church do you go to?" This has been a source of pain to me because I know what it feels like to be where I'm supposed to be and thus far, we haven't found that fit in our church hunt. It is so discouraging and I find myself being so embarrassed when someone asks me that simple question. I feel like a failure for not finding the right place yet, I feel like a church hopper and I feel like I'm committed to nothing. I feel like I'm failing my kids. It actually makes me feel a slight twinge of ickiness every time the question surfaces.

Why? Why in the world would I have such a strong feeling towards such a simple question? What is behind this? Why does that matter so much and why in the world is our place so hard to find? I think it matters so much to me because I was raised in church. I have been a faithful attender since in the womb, with a brief break during those crazy college days. To now not 'belong' anywhere is so foreign to me, it feels wrong.

I guess it would be about 10 years ago we began attending a church that brought the whole church thing up a level for me. After attending this church I had a new fire lit within and a feeling of greater purpose was born. I felt the most alive I've ever felt. I was offered a position on staff, I gladly accepted, was going about life with no regrets and BAM..... God moved us. He moved us far away from the comforts we so easily rested in. The time after the move brought the most growth in my life, personally, that I've ever known but the church factor has been another story.

It was last weekend that I began wondering if God was not allowing me to find that fit because of this unique journey I've found myself on since the move. But why would God do that? We are supposed to be connected to the Body. I am very connected to various groups of believers but there is not a single church body that we are involved in as a family. The question hit me, this week,..... 'What if this discontent is a part of God's plan for us - for this season of our walk?' What if HE orchestrated this seeming mess to me? What if He has a greater purpose in this discontent than I can comprehend right now? What if? But why? He wants us plugged in - I KNOW that is true!

Then this weekend some friends nudged me to listen to a conference that was available online and I did. The messages were fabulous and I felt refreshed after every segment! It wasn't until the last segment that I wondered if I found my answer. If you know the story of Gideon, from Judges 7:1-7, Gideon had an army ready for battle and God said 'there are too many with you' and God stripped their army down to a small 300. The 300 went to battle because God wanted to strip Gideon of his confidence. Gideon had confidence in the ability of the many to go to war but who would have confidence in 300? That is foolish. God wanted Gideon's confidence to be IN GOD alone. So sometimes God strips us of our areas of confidence so that when He sends you into your destiny - the job is way too big for you and you are forced to lean on Him. He wants all of our confidence in Him, not in our abilities, skills or training. To take away the things we think we need reinforces our eyes to look only to Him.

Is this what God is doing in me with the church thing? That would seem foolish but... I did have much identity in my church. I was proud to be an XYZ Church attender. I had great leaders empowering me and equipping me. I leaned fully on them and looked to them for guidance. God wanted that to be how I looked at Him. God wants me to look to Him alone, not a church, or a body of believers, or a friend to be my place of trust. He wants to be my all in all!

I may be WAY off with my assessment, because I know the value of gathering together, but I just can't shake the possibility that He may be up to something in this area with me. I believe it is for a specific season but... I can't get past the feeling that this is OK for now... that is until someone asks "where do you go to church?" I want to answer the question with "I live in church! Church is my life - I'm ever at church and gleaning from Him. I don't GO to church... I'm living the church." But that sounds haughty and may offend. But that is how I feel inside. I know the value of a church family - I desperately miss it! But I know He may have a better plan that feels like loss to me and is really a gain. My job is to get through the steps He has for me to conquer now so I can get to the other side. (And I can tell you that I'm gonna wonder if someone will take the "I live church" quotes wrong and I pray no one will - but the side of me that aches to think that I may possibly offend ANYONE... friend or stranger - will toss and turn over this for a few days but... it is a part of this journey I'm on. I need to stand in my confidence IN Him and let Him work on the things that are misunderstood. Not trying to be haughty - just trying to figure this thing out.)

I need to not worry about who others may think I am during this uncomfortable season, I need to stop bashing myself for not finding that fit, I need to rest in Him and trust that He once led me to where we fit perfectly before and He will do it again... when the time is right. It is so hard to feel like something so important to me is the very area that remains in limbo. I know His ways are higher than mine. I know His plans are always way better than mine. Resting in the discomfort is hard. I find it easy to endure for a short time and then I feel a wave of panic wash over me - but then I regroup and find my place of rest, in Him, again. It is a roller coaster ride, and although I love roller coasters, I feel like this real life version is not stopping when I want it to stop. It's like the guy at the control switch just keeps it going and going and going and I'm yelling 'LET me OFF THIS THING!' But I would rather stay on until He knows I'm ready to stand tall in where He is leading me. So I regroup and rest.... again. He has the end in sight, He has the map, I must trust in Him. Reject all feelings and all doubt and trust Him because He is always good.

Walking Through Pain

When we restrict our hearts from God, we injure ourselves. We basically say 'God, I can't trust You, or anyone, with that part of my heart. So I will guard that place in my heart. No thanks, I don't need Your help. I'll take it from here.' But how can we truly guard our heart effectively? The only thing we can do is build up a wall around that injured area. Sadly there is no ointment of truth being applied and no surgery by the Master Physician in that area, so that area remains toxic - but toxic behind the isolated, self-made wall.

What happens next is that we either let NO ONE in that piece of our hearts or.... after much testing of someone - we find someone we are willing to open up to in that area. Since that area has never been tended to and is not healed - it is a matter of time before that someone will bump us in that spot and we don't just respond with "That hurt me, don't do that." But rather it is another time someone has hurt us there so we try to build an even more sturdy wall around that wound than before. It will now be a LONG time before we trust someone with that piece of us ever again!

We then become so walled up in that area that no one is allowed in that dark recess of our heart. That wound is nurtured, but not towards healing, it is nurtured with vows of 'I'll never.' "I'll never trust anyone again. I'll never open up in that area again. I'll never.... I'll never..... I'll never!" We are not bringing healing to our hearts but reinforcing a wall of lies. The lie is that we think we are able to properly care for ourselves in that area. To some that area could be unthinkable abuse, to others it could be neglect... whatever the cause of that wound - the wound has now not been cared for behind the wall self built, but it has been given toxic ointment that has now made this original pain (no matter how large or small it was in the beginning) become infected with additional issues.

We now have reinforced our pain with more pain in that area. All along God wanted us to trust Him with that spot of pain - He made us to ache for Him. So that idea of what a 'true' such and such would be like is that part of our hearts that KNOWS we were made for someone to honor us and cherish us. That someone is HIM. He made us with an ache within that can only be filled by Him and the exciting thing about that is.... there is a piece of His heart that aches for us. There is a spot in God's heart that is all mine and if I reject Him, He cannot fill that spot without me. It's not like He can fill the Melodye spot of His heart with Samantha. It's MY spot! That's the same with our hearts. There is a God spot that cries out for the true expression of love, the true value of who we are, the true loving tender care we long for.

But when we begin looking for that spot to be filled by our family or friends or children... we become more empty because our family/friends AND children combined can never fill the God spot within us. So when we reinforce the 'I don't need a God who would let x-thing happen to me.' we are now toxic in our place of injury by another AND we have a heart ache that can NEVER be filled until we say yes to God. So there we are, walled in our wall of protection, not letting anyone in and not letting God tend to our aching heart. The heart that was made for love now has a wall in the middle of it. This wall surrounds a gaping, aching, toxic, neglected wound that longs to be healed AND a spot that God wants to mend for us.

It is only when we willingly trust Him to see our pain and we willingly trust Him to apply ointment and we willingly allow Him to bandage us up.... that is when healing begins. The tender, aching, throbbing wound still hurts to the touch. It hurts to the simple glance towards it even. But as truth is applied to that spot daily, the heart begins to mend little by little. And before you know it, you have a healed wound. When we look to God to fill our aches and we seek Him to heal our wounds - we are seeking a life of truth. We are able to receive the love He has for us and that ache is gone.

Now, when someone comes along and hurts us there again, we are whole. They don't pierce our hearts with their harshness or with their neglect. We feel the sadness from the injury but it doesn't pierce our heart. No wound is formed. This requires us keeping a constant eye on Him, constantly stopping to re-group when we feel like 'was that real? Did they mean that for me?'. He remains ever near to say "No my precious one. That was a result of their walled up heart. They neglected or abused you because of their pain, it wasn't about you. Rest in me." We can then take a deep breath and let that incident pass, if it is the type of pain that we question repeatedly... He is ever near to talk us through it as many times as it takes to get us through. We are never too much for Him, He is willing to listen to our hearts cry as long as it takes! But the joy of it all is... that on the other side of an injury that we take to Him immediately - we walk out stronger and without any sign of pain.

We walk out with our heads up and with a whole heart that remained in tact, although there were moments of sadness, the heart was never pierced. Rather than the incident piercing us, and changing us, it pierced Him and He carries us through without a side effect to follow. All that remains is the confidence built in His ability to carry us through a hard time. All that remains is a faith that has grown stronger, all that remains is a precious Father's love covering us and keeping us whole. Had we jumped away from His covering and followed our instinct to self-protect we would have taken much time to heal and be willing to show Him our pain (not to mention we would have likely hurt the other person in the process). But instead we went His way - we sought Him with every.single doubt and we were refreshed immediately with truth. It washed over us and removed any residue that may have sat upon our hearts and produced anger or hurt. A whole heart in the battle. What a miracle!

This is possible. How audacious of me to consider such a thought!?! I can tell you that earlier in my life - I've been the one to take my pain and be the protector of my own heart. What a tiring job - what a lonely job - what a sad job I did of guarding myself. I've also walked through a trying time with Him and followed His way and as a result I walked out of that pain with joy unspeakable and a peace that I still cannot understand. I am still amazed at how beautifully He guarded me and protected me. I was whole throughout the entire process. Not that I never cried or felt pain but the pain was quickly washed away, with my tears being poured out to Him. As soon as I felt the heaviness of it all, the weight was gone, He lifted my burden. I didn't marinate in it and let it seep into my heart, which produces a heavy heart.

I've walked through pain both ways and I can tell you, from experience that in the self-built walls... I lived a cursed life. A toiling and striving that was never productive. It was fruitless yet the most tiring experience ever. Walking under the shadow of His wings, while hurting, was a blessing. It produced life and it showed me how I only need Him to fill me. Any extras (good family and good friends) are a blessing but I only really need Him. He is enough and He is good to me and He cares for my heart beautifully. Much better than I could myself. What a blessing pain can be when it is kept in the very hand of God. Pain hurts no matter what but the sting and toxins cannot pierce His hands!

Choose Life.... Choose Blessings

Thinking about the curses side of the table, it does seem harsh for a curse to be passed down through generations at all. When I think of it that way it is a bit sad but I see the scripture states the curse in Exodus 20: 4-6 refers to those who hate God. It isn't like they are unsure of what they think of God but they hate God. They hate what He stands for and they hate His ways no matter what. Hate is defined as to dislike intensely or passionately. Synonyms for hate are loathe, despise, or detest. There are many more but this isn't a simple "I don't understand you God therefore I say no to you." This is an active agenda of hate.

I think that is the kind of hate that exists in an extreme few. Maybe I'm naive but I think the number of people who hate God with that kind of venom and agenda are few. I think the average person who says no to God may not hate Him, they may just not understand Him. I think God is not so harsh with those who simply cannot come to a decision, although consequences occur for not choosing. You must choose God or you will not be saved. It does require a decision. But to those who actively pursue hatred towards Him, to those there is a generational curse that is involved.

I think of the racists out there as an example to use. For those involved in extreme hate groups against one race or another - they often pass their agenda of hate onto their children. They are not passive in their desire to influence their children in their opinion. They are active and it is clear that if a child is raised in that naive single view of the world - they too will manifest that same racism. If they somehow have other influences in their lives that have enough influence to counter that agenda of hate... that child may form his own opinion and not adopt the hate of their father. It may take a few generations for the truth to pierce into a family. Just look at how long this nation took for a generation to look past color and to the individual. It is still a battle that some fight - they are seen as a race first in some peoples eyes versus being seen as a person who matters. Over 40 years to begin seeing a glimpse of hope in that area. Racism is an example that makes it so it is easy to see how a generation can be influenced to adopt a toxic view of the world.

I think those extreme examples, although that is not the only way people show hate towards God, show how some are never willing - there entire life - to see beyond their small view of truth. That extreme person will never say yes to God and will never let go of their agenda, unless God performs a miracle in their life. That is totally possible but considering a generational curse made me wonder what it would take for God to decide to allow that curse to remain for more than a single generation and I see now how a family can choose to reject truth as long as they choose to. God's choice would be that they see Him in truth and receive Him. But they do have a choice to reject Him - God doesn't force Himself on us. He wants us to choose Him. God prefers to bless but we actually choose the curse when we reject Him.

(Just wanted to note that I know Job didn't sin and had hardship/trials that were not warranted and were a test of his faith. There are times that hardships are purposed beyond us and come into our lives as a way to glorify God. Not saying that never happens but I am strictly speaking to the incidents where we do bring a curse upon ourselves by rejecting God's truth in specific areas. "Idols on our heart block worship, idols are there because we believe lies." Idol worship of any kind brings a curse upon our lives, no matter how small it may seem. A curse produces death in your life - it limits you. A blessings produces life in your life - it opens you up to more life.)

It is hard to imagine God allowing curses on us - His children. How could He? But I know there are times, as a parent, that you realize some lessons will not be fully received until the consequence of that choice is allowed to fully play out. There are times we, like our kids, need the full weight of our consequence for our choices to show us the effect a decision has on our life (and possibly has on the lives of those around us). As a mom, I would MUCH rather my kids take my advice and listen to my warnings but I know that they are human and must test the system. It is what we do. But no matter how much I want to guard them and keep them from experiencing sadness, disappointment or hurt... I know that certain experiences will often stick with them way longer than my warnings.

So, curses exist. It's sad but true. As the scripture says in Deuteronomy 30:19-20 "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him." God chooses life for us.... God chooses blessings for us.... any other journey into the land of curses is often by our own doing. Consequences exist for our own good because if we did not have them every now and then, we may not fully appreciate the blessings.

More on Blessings and Curses

I am amazed that I would have anything else to say on the Blessing and Curses matter but I woke up with this thought 'How amazing of God to limit the curse on us but offer a limitless blessing!' I mean, if someone HATES God - deliberately worships another god - that curse upon that family for rejecting God is over within 3 or 4 generations. Meaning by the 3rd or 4th generation - God allows the eyes of that generation to be open to Him.

How cool is that!?! So, if my grandparent's parents rejected God and chose an idol as their god alone and if they HATED God.... then by the time I came along the curse would be removed and I would have eyes to see and ears to hear. The only thing left would be for my heart to seek after God and choose to trust God and ask for His forgiveness and for me to receive Christ as my Savior. In my situation, there are still two living generations before me and so it is quite possible for them to see my choice and it is quite possible for them to choose to turn to God as well. There is an end to the curse.

But the blessing..... OH! WOW! The blessings are unending! The choice to worship God and to seek Him brings blessing for 1000 generations. That is immeasurable! That is beyond what I could imagine! That is beyond the realm of my influence! That is a merciful and compassionate God!

I know I related the scripture of Exodus 20: 4-6 with 'seeing and hearing' and that is not a direct interpretation of that scripture but I do see how living under the umbrella of a distorted truth versus living under the umbrella of THE Truth is a form of a curse in our lives. Distorted truth limits us, distorted truth binds us up in areas of our lives, distorted truths keep us from full freedom in Christ. The umbrella of Christ, THE Truth, provides real freedom in all areas of our lives.

A mindset can be a curse of sorts because it blocks us from seeing who God really is. It blinds us to understanding the heart of God. We all have mindsets that block us from seeing God truly. I know I've seen a few distorted truths shown under The Light of Truth recently, via prayer, and the great thing is once you see The Truth in the matter at hand - all it takes is for you to repent for believing the lie (distorted truth), renounce agreement with that lie, acknowledge the truth and accept The Truth and you are now free to live under The Truth umbrella in that area. No more leaning on a lie as your foundation. It's that simple. Then you must live your life by The Truth and stop your mind from wandering in the circles of thinking the old way, you must set your mind on your new found freedom.

I am sure I'm not finished seeing lies exposed in my own life. I'm not done revealing distorted truths, because they are often these little twists on The Truth and until God reveals them to you and until you have eyes to see and ears to hear.... you just may not be willing to accept your 'facts' are lies. God is so kind and generous to allow us to take one truth at a time, so that our lives become more stabilized on HIM versus giving it all to us at once and leaving us with our heads spinning. We can become free and strong in one area, live it out - time to adjust our living to Truth before revealing the next lie we are bound up in. Can you imagine if He exposed it all to us at once - how overwhelming to try to correct ALL our distorted truths at once.

Removing lies and building on His Truth in our lives IS the Christian walk. We don't just accept Christ as our Savior, repent of our sinful ways and go on. We must ask Him daily, seek Him daily to open our eyes to see anew and offer our ears to hear His voice. It takes a willing heart to walk it out. We can walk out our faith without seeking for more, but that is not living a victorious life. That's living a forgiven life - and believe me, it is not nearly as fun. I've been at the place where I wasn't seeking Truth daily or wanting to hear fresh from Him each day. I was still saved, still a Christian, but the fun of my Christian walk came when I sought Him daily - I desired to see Him and hear from Him daily. He became a daily part of my day, I still have room to grow in this, and I began to ask Him..... 'What do YOU want me to see in this situation?' I quit accessing the situation based on what my limited, human eyes could see and began asking for a glimpse of the picture from His side of the story. That has been a far more successful walk, less moments where I over step the situation and blurt out something I cannot take back. Seeking Him daily includes Him in the day and gives me a chance to choose life over and over and over and over. That's harder to do when I'm just walking out my forgiven life. How far do you want to go in your walk with Him? It is only limited by the limits we put on God, He doesn't keep us at arms length... we do that to Him. It is WAY more fun to keep Him in the daily moments of each day - He really makes life more fun than you could ever imagine. There's always more!

Blessings and Curses

Tonight I was enjoying an unexpected discussion regarding blessings and curses and was challenged to look more into the topic. I recalled a scripture mentioning that the curses were limited to the 3rd or 4th generation but the blessings went much farther. I wanted to say for 1000 generations but that sounded like such a LONG time and I wasn't sure. The conversation led to seeking the scripture out for ourselves to glean more. (All scripture is from the Amplified translation.)

When I arrived home I opened my Bible and began the search. I found many scriptures discussing blessings and curses and finally landed on the one I was thinking of. Exodus 20:4-6 "You shall not make yourself any graven image {to worship it} or any likeness of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; You shall not bow down yourself to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me, But showing mercy and steadfast love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments."

Then I read this note: 'Idols on our heart block worship; idols are there because we believe in lies.' So, anything we believe and live by that is opposed to God's truth is an idol. Any idol we bow down to (ie buy into the lie) produces a curse in our lives. Interesting, I love aha moments! As I was reading and flipping through my Bible I saw the following scriptures jump out at me:

John 8:32 "And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free."
John 8: 36 "So if the Son liberates you, then you are really and unquestionably free."
John 8:43 "Why do you misunderstand what I say? It is because you are unable to hear what I am saying. {You cannot bear to listen to My message; your ears are shut to My teaching.}
John 8:47 "Whoever is of God listens to God. {Those who belong to God hear the words of God.} This is the reason you do not listen {to those words, to Me}: because you do not belong to God and are not of God or in harmony with Him."

So, if we choose to look at, or base our perspective off of, something that is opposed to God's word then we are buying into a lie. The lie produces an idol that blocks us from receiving further truth. But if we welcome His Truth then the Truth will set us free and we are free without doubt! We must choose to seek THE Truth and not be found looking for our truth to be confirmed. If we desire to see Him and what He sees, then we will accept His truth with open arms. His truth can only produce life in our lives. But we do have the choice to truly hear The Truth or reject it.

Here is an example of rejecting the truth before their eyes: In these scriptures, the Pharisees did not see Jesus for who He Was but as a sinner. Jesus had just healed the blind man and they were questioning "who is this fellow?". Can't you just hear the tone in that question?!

John 9: 29-30 "We know for certain that God spoke with Moses, but as for this Fellow, we know nothing about where He hails from. The man replied, Well, this is astonishing! Here a Man has opened my eyes and yet you do not know where He comes from."

John 9:39 "Then Jesus said, I came into this world for judgment {as a Separator, in order that there may be separation between those who believe on Me and those who reject Me}, to make the sightless see and to make those who see become blind."

John 9:41 "Jesus said to them, If you were blind, you would have no sin; but because you now claim to have sight, your sin remains. {If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but because you insist, We do see clearly, you are unable to escape your guilt.}"

John 10:10 "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

So the blind man didn't sin, he was blind. Being blind is not a sin. The Pharisees thought they knew it all and were convinced that they knew the real truth and they were looking to judge and condemn Christ because He didn't fit into their perfect little box. Their confidence in their own sight was their sin, they were not open to The Truth that stood before them. They boldly and confidently rejected what was obvious - the Truth! Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy - to rob us of any and all Truth. The more distorted truth we base our lives off of is a distraction from THE Truth. To live by a distorted truth is to make an idol - to say "I can depend on me - no one else" is a distorted truth and THE Truth is "Blessed is the man who trusts in You {leaning and believing on you, committing all and confidently looking to You, and that without fear or misgiving}!" Psalm 84:12

John 10:24 - 30 "So the Jews surrounded Him and began asking Him, How long are You going to keep us in doubt and suspense? If You are really the Christ (the Messiah), tell us so plainly and openly. Jesus answered them, I have told you so, yet you do not believe Me {you do not trust Me and rely on Me}. The very works that I do by the power of My Father and in My Father's name bear witness concerning Me {they are My credentials and evidence in support of Me}. But you do not believe and trust and rely on Me because you do not belong to My fold {you are not sheep of Mine}. The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never lose it or perish throughout the ages. {To all eternity they shall never by any means be destroyed.} And no one is able to snatch them out of My hand. My Father, Who has given them to Me, is greater and mightier than all {else}; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are One."

Having a preconceived idea of how things will be or should be does alter our ability to truly trust and see what God wants us to see. The Jews expected Christ to be more royal and grand - this ordinary Christ was not what they were looking for, and that is why many missed Him. They had a picture of Him before He came. He didn't fit their plan for Christ and so they were blinded to Him when He was performing the miraculous all around them. A curse can be as simple as not having eyes to see Him and ears to hear Him. The good news is that all that is required to break this curse is to see Him as He IS in your situation and accept Him. Then you are under the umbrella of 1000 generations (not years) of blessings. How? You open the door of hearing and seeing to your household in every area that you choose to see Him in. You must be open to Him and ask to see Him, He wants You to seek Him and you will find Him. He loves you and wants you to love Him. If you ask Him to show you what He wants you to see in the situation at hand, He will show you and you will find the Truth has set you free! Free Indeed!

Hear Us From Heaven

Lord, hear our cry
Come heal our land
Breath life into these dry and thirsty souls
Lord, hear our prayer
Forgive our sin
And as we call on your name
Would you make this a place
For your glory to dwell

Chorus:
Open the blind eyes
Unlock the deaf ears
Come to your people
As we draw near
Hear us from heaven
Touch our generation
We are your people
Crying out in desperation

Bridge:
Hear us from heaven,
Hear us from heaven,
Hear us from heaven (4x)

This is my personal heart cry for our nation right now. Lord, hear our prayer!!!!

Blessed Be Your Name

A friend shared this link on her blog and I thought it was worth passing on. I hope you enjoy it.

And Baby Makes 5

We are finally expecting baby number 3! It has been almost 3 years of wanting another baby but the long delay seems like nothing since we now have our good news. The fun part of this is that our kids are both old enough to care. They ask me every.single.day if they can see if my belly is fat now. They are excited and can't wait to meet their new sibling.

It has been fun to see this experience through their eyes and with their fun questions. I bought a pregnancy journal yesterday and began filling in the pages of our experience thus far. After filling in the first few pages I decided to pull out the journals from my first 2 pregnancies to reminisce.

Pregnancy 1 was full of details and the tone of the journal was more of a diary to me. I shared things I was going through personally. There were many entries and not all were about the pregnancy. Some details about what was going on in life as well as many details about the pregnancy. So many details I've now forgotten. I had no idea that my pregnancy with Pumpkin began with heartburn and this third pregnancy did too. MUCH heartburn actually!

With Buddy's journal there were fewer details about life in general. Life was full of a distracting toddler so my entries were almost every other week and the life details were omitted. Fewer personal details and written more to Buddy and less as a diary for me.

Journal three was well on it's way before reading the first two and I see how it is a mix of both. It is written to me and to baby, mostly pregnancy details with some personal life details. I cannot wait to see how things move along. A little comparison thus far shows:

Pregnancy 1 - began with heartburn
Pregnancy 2 - began with nausea and no appetite
Pregnancy 3 - heartburn

Should I guess that I may be having another girl? Too soon to tell but so far that would be a good assumption. Who knows - every pregnancy is as different as every child from what I hear. We are just so excited and are looking forward to see how this sweet baby will add to our family. We are full of joy and enjoying every day along the way.