Think-cation

I'm thinking of taking a think-cation.
I'm thinking I just may think too much.
I need to be/do more and think less.
"Should I call so and so?"
"Did so and so REALLY mean such and such?"
"Should I have said that in a different way?"
"Did that offend someone?"
Unnecessary apologies abound.
"I hope I didn't sound stupid."

The list could go on and on and on and on. I try to be SO politically correct sometimes that I feel I'm not free to be me. "Does so and so believe in God? Will they be offended if I say 'I'll be praying for you?'" I also wonder if I interpret my internal dialogue versus really seeing what is going on around me. Like I think back to being younger and feel I was so meek and when I think about how I was with my friends... that is the LAST thing I was. I over thought myself so much that I felt meek (which translates into I was scared to say what I wanted to say b/c too worried I would be misunderstood) but I really wasn't ALL THAT MEEK. I was quiet and wanted to hear what others thought first, so I wouldn't offend them, but I was opinionated too and I wasn't a total wall flower.

I think I thought I was what I thought I was..... now THAT'S saying something... don't cha think?

So... all that to say - I am thinking of taking a think-cation. No more thinking. I will plan and be wise but I ain't thinkin' no more! I care about my friends and I care about my family.... if I say something that you don't agree with and/or misinterpret.... I'm expecting you to let me know. (But please be gentle with me when you tell me because I'm coming off one LONG binge of thinking and don't want to fall back into my addiction.) I'm done thinking that you think badly of what I say or do - unless you directly tell me so! So if you catch me thinkin' when you are near.... remind me of my 'think-cation'. This will be a tough thing to DO for a think-aholic. I will need your gentle reminders way more than I care to think about. So.... here we go.... think-cation starting.... NOW!

Appeal to the Conscience and NOT Pride

Thanks to my friend allowing me to borrow her book, I've been busy reading "Shepherding a Child's Heart". The chapter I read today discussed how to appeal to your child's conscience. I just read the following"Hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the result of giving children (or people in general as far as I can tell) a keepable law and telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they become like the Pharisees, people whose exterior is clean, while inside they are full of dirt and filth. The genius of Pharisseism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ."

The thing I love about reading parenting books is that I often see where I slip up in my own life. Those places I think "I've got THIS". This paragraph seemed to break down the path to hypocrisy so clearly for me. We all have our moments that we wish we could see our 'tripping' spot and learn. This spoke volumes to me!

I wouldn't necessarily label myself as a hypocrite or self-righteous, BUT I can see how many of the days I feel icky about myself are days I've dared to follow this mind-set: even if only internally for a moment. Still makes me feel icky no matter how far I take it.

The following was how God draws us to obey Him: "God's standard is correct behavior flowing from a heart that loves God and has God's glory as the sole purpose of life. Discipline leads to the cross of Christ where sinful people are forgiven. Sinners who come to Jesus in repentance and faith are empowered to live new lives."

My heart's desire is to learn to model this better for my kids AND to see how to properly put this into action. I feel like I see a twinge of the Phariseeism coming out of my kids from time to time. We all have moments where we are puffed up with our abilities, so I can't knock them for having their moments. I just need God's wisdom in how to effectively remove that Pharisee-like drive from obedience and replace that with their conscience, as the guiding nudge toward God. Of course, I could use help in remaining more within my own conscience vs. my drive to obey too. I'm a stickler for following rules - so this one is hard for me, which is why I need God's help in modeling and teaching this to my kids. I get great joy from doing something well and right. I see how this clearly leads to a path I do not want to live my life by. Lord, hear my prayer!

Blessed Is The One

Blessed is the one who trusts You
Like a tree that cannot be moved
You say jump to arms wide open
I am scared but I am willing

For blessed is the one
Blessed is the one who trusts You

You, faithful, just and good
Shepherd of my heart
Lead me to where You are

And I remember all Your goodness
Suffering through the desert places
You never said it would be easy
You just promised You'd be with me

For blessed is the one
Blessed is the one who trusts You

You, faithful, just and good
Shepherd of my heart
Lead me to where You are
You, who holds my destiny
I'll follow foolishly
Your love will be my song
So I will trust You

I will trust You in the pain
When I can't see past today
When it's hard to lift my hands to praise You
I will trust You

(Daniel Doss Band - Greater Than Us All CD)

The Yearning for Peace

We've been having behavior issues around our house lately. I've tried to be considerate of the many changes we've recently gone through (moved, kids now sharing a room, baseball practice/games added to schedule for JB - which has been hard for HC to endure, 10 days away on a road trip, still unpacking boxes in our house). In my efforts to give my kids time to adjust, I've allowed some behaviors to slide. Now here I am, over a month later, with no end to the bickering in sight wondering when/if this new war would end. Some of the more annoying issues we were dealing with daily - really every minute - were direct disobedience and constant fights over the most ridiculous issues.

We were due to begin school in early July so I was hoping this would help them settle down, because a schedule does tend to squeeze out some unnecessary fighting around our house. School began the first full week of July and we are seeing no change in the fighting/disobeying. We were having a play date with friends yesterday (I thought maybe my kids were in need of friends around) and that is when I realized that I could no longer give grace to my sweet kiddo's. It was time to correct this matter with no more hesitation. They were very mean to their friend - even seeming to gang up against this one friend. I was devastated! I was overwhelmed with this act of pure mean-ness (although I did actually think - well they ARE getting along with each other now. but this was VERY fleeting.). They've ALWAYS been glad to be with friends and they've ALWAYS reacted well to time with friends - this disturbed my heart to no end!

Once I put the kids down for their naps I could finally let all of the mornings activities sink in! I felt like I had just run a marathon - my energy was zapped, my head was POUNDING and my neck was a ball of tension. What on earth would I do to change my kids hearts now? I feared I let them have time to adjust for too long and had created monsters. Sure, all kids have bad days but this had grown into an unending war by now. I felt defeated. So I did what any other desperate mom would do - I shared my woes via facebook.

Many friends offered ideas to assist me and I was so encouraged. It surprised me that I had forgotten certain basic tools we once used without thinking. Now, in my distress these ideas were long gone. I started to pray and think 'God, what now? So many great ideas but what will work with my kids now?' I started thinking about what I should/could do. Should I not sign HC up for ballet this year? Should I cut out all friend play time? Should I take every toy they own and sell it on ebay? Should I put them in a chair and make them hold hands until love oozed out of their pores for one another? WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!???

Then it hit me, since moving we've put the kids in a room together and left one room as their play room/TV room. I could start with disconnecting that TV. So, when the woke from their naps I told them that their behavior caused me to take their TV. That they would not have ANY TV time until they began to obey right away AND learn to play well together again. No more fighting. In fact, if they continue to fight then I will take HC's baby dolls away and JB's cars away. This will serve to show them that they are hurting one another when they fight and that bad choices do have consequences. This brought tears for about 10 minutes and then suddenly they were playing together. The rest of the evening was full of giggles and playing. I was shocked.

This morning HC and JB began to argue with one another and so I told them to go bring me a doll and a car. JB was QUICK to obey (although he did so with tears) so he only had to bring me 1 car. HC brought me every junk doll that had no value to her so after 3 dolls of this I told her she now owed me 3 dolls for not obeying right away and because she didn't bring a special doll as I asked. After this incident, I decided today would be a PJ day and the kids climbed in bed with me and we just loved on one another. We had fun playing and laughing and tickling and hiccuping and now the kids were going to go play together in the play room.

As I reminded them of the rules, I heard these words flow out of my mouth "If you love Mommy, then show kindness to one another." {Gulp} Wow! I know - this is THE commandment that God has given to us. Matthew 22:37, 39, 40 Basically - love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, mind and love your neighbor as yourself. So if we love God properly we will love ourselves and others properly. I know this but it is hard to do, and I know it is/will be hard for my kids to accomplish this too. But I've never before understood the heart cry behind this scripture until going through this battle with my kids. My heart truly YEARNS for them to love one another. I KNOW they love me but it pleases me most when they show love to one another. I am humbled by this ache and I desire for the toxic areas of my heart to be fully purged so that I can properly love as God YEARNS for me to love. God have mercy on my very soul!

Being Different

Last night I found myself caught up watching Science TV. This is NOT a regular occurrence around my house. We just flipped through and didn't find anything we were interested in watching. The show that originally caught our attention was one about "The Real Rain Man". Maybe on a normal day this alone would not have drawn me in but after visiting with friends and bringing up quotes from the movie "Rain Man" we were interested in watching for a little bit.

Before we knew it we were watching the entire show. It ended with a great quote (from Rain Man himself - sorry didn't recall real his name) "You don't have to be handicapped to be different. We're all different."

This stuck with me. During our conversation at dinner, my friend and I discussed the woes of high school. I shared how looking back I was so meek and doubted myself more than I care to really remember. I thought every embarrassing incident was on the big screen of life for all to see. I cared about who my friends were and did not want to be different.

All this combined - the remembrance of my insecure self and this movie - really made this quote shout volumes to me. As a mom I LOVE that my kids are different from one another. If both of my kids had HC's personality I would be a little loopy by lunch rather than late afternoon. If both of my kids had JB's personality then my day would not have near the adventures that HC can provide on a moments notice. The energy and the passions of both are so different and yet they are similar enough in some basics that they are usually really great buds.

Why is it that we get sucked into this thought of being the same as everyone else? We start conforming as school kids and maybe continue conforming all through adulthood. What is wrong with being unique and different. I LOVE my friends who tend to be found listening more than talking because they allow me to share what is burning within my heart and I feel like a million bucks because they are there - fully engaged in listening. And yet I LOVE my friends who are of that "who cares" mentality - not in a rebellious way but in a live life and enjoy it mindset. They love living an exciting life and they push me forward to try things I may never try if left to my own internal dialogue. There are many more personalities of friends that I find MUCH good in; yet I see the tendency for us to all try to decrease our differences so that we are all more alike than we are different. (I do understand the core want of being around like-minded people but I'm talking about how we hide our unique qualities in an effort to be 'normal'.)

WHY?!? Life is not the same nor as fun if we are all quiet as a mouse and life is too chaotic if we are all loud and boisterous and living to our own pleasure alone rather than to the rule of law. Being the same should not be our goal in life. Even the real Rain Man tried to conform. He learned that if he used 1 of 4 standard compliments to others then they were more receptive to him than if he remained in his raw state. Clearly we all need a good middle ground to start from but seeing the authentic rain man was really interesting. He brought an air of acceptance and freedom with him because he accepted his role in the room. No one treated him like some crazed monster but appreciated him as he was and learned from what he brought to the table. The information they gleaned from him was amazing. Why do we try to knock one another when we are different rather than care enough to learn from one another. I'm as guilty, as it seems we all are, in trying to conform. I think that I've grown MUCH in this area but I still fight the urge to blend. This show really made me want to just be myself more readily, without reservations - wondering if others would accept or reject me as I am. In fact, I was recently in a scenario that led me to see how much I have grown in this area this week - although there is much more growing I can do. Today I'm thanking God that I am no longer the self-doubting shell I once was. I think that all humans have their moments of self-doubt; but a lifestyle of self-doubt is not a fulfilling life.

I think God in heaven enjoys our differences and likes what He sees. He didn't want robots - He wanted people who are different and make life more fulfilling. It made me wonder how God reacted to someone like Albert Einstein (which happened to be the show to follow the Rain Man story).

They said Einstein approached all his discoveries with the thought of "if I were God how would I do x". He desired to know God's mind - not be God. I could imagine, as I watched, 'I wonder if God would just sit and watch Einstein (as he was pondering, figuring, writing and questioning) with the most HUGE-EST smile ever; LOVING this burn within Einstein to know Him more'. Einstein even focused on this solitary goal so much that he missed many discoveries, like quantum physics, that changed the way we live today. But Einstein was content to seek after the mind of God instead of what the 'normal' scientists were seeking after.

I couldn't help but wish I cared less what my peers thought of my way of approaching this walk of life. Wishing that because I was doing/being what I KNEW I was supposed to be doing/being that that would be enough for me. What audacity - to be confident in your seeming foolishness!? What courage!? What a truly AMAZING ride of your life! I WANT to live an AMAZING life and not worry about the crowd; but my humanity calls me to that very boring ride even against my own internal will. Thankfully the urge to resist is much stronger these days - may the ability to resist blending in, to my detriment, grow ever stronger! Now that's truly living! It reminds me of that scripture, in 2 Samuel 6:22, where David says "I will become even more undignified than this!". May I live a life that is constantly moving towards 'becoming even more undignified than THIS!' That is an excitingly, unpredictable and fulfilling living without reservation or apologizing for what one has been called to do!

Sacrifice of Praise

Today I heard someone share on this topic and it caused me to ponder if I really do sacrifice (give up my rights to) certain hotspots within my life. A hotspot is something I learned about years ago when we had a few dogs in our lives. One dog would find a sore on his neck or leg or wherever and rather than leave it alone, so that it could heal, he continuously scratched and bit at this area until a hotspot appeared. We had to put cream on this area and if he persisted, we had to put a cone on his neck to block him from his continuous efforts of relief. The sad thing was, his effort to bring immediate relief was causing an infected gash that could not heal. He couldn't resist the urge for the quick relief of a scratch although that scratch was to his own demise.

So the points shared today about the Sacrifice of Praise are this: Sacrifice = giving up rights to something.

1. I give up my right to understand what God is doing in my life. He is a mystery and that is a good thing. When I'm in a place of wonder, needing/wanting an answer or direction this is not comforting to give up this right, but I must.
2. I give up my right to depend on my own resources. At times He makes it real easy to stop depending on self. Those days without a job or those incidents that cannot be settled without a miracle. Those are places we are now no longer able to depend on what we bring to the table.
3. I give up the right to be in control. I cannot choose how God will bring relief or the answer. And the answer doesn't always look like I expect it to look. But didn't Jesus disappoint the Israelites because He wasn't grand enough for them? He wasn't a King or majestic enough for their liking. He was ordinary. We often want/expect a grand 'ta-dah' moment and He quietly brings an answer that, if we are not careful, we overlook and never receive because we think that is too ordinary of an answer for God to provide.
4. I give up my right to expect sympathy and admiration for my courage. NO PITY PARTY!
5. I give up my right to carry my own load. This is pride, I don't need your help.
6. I give up my right to wallow in my guilt. Not allowed to live in shame.
7. I give up my right to judge others. Blaming them for not being what I expected or such. We must praise God for who they are now - even in their less appealing state - and not for what we desire them to be.
8. I give up my right to judge myself.
9. I give up my right to judge my circumstances.
10. I give up my right to dictate terms of my training program. God sees what needs to be corrected or redirected in our lives WAY more clearly than we ever do. Trust that He has this all under control.

Basically we must sacrifice these rights, on purpose, to be in the mindset to truly praise. Praise Him for the sacrifice. It's more than submission, it's contentment. Acceptance with gratitude. It's an abandoned trust that He has it all under control and I don't need to run around like crazy trying to fix it all. I can trust Him to bring the good He has stored up for me at just the right time. Because unlike me, He's actually able to perform what He promises. And unlike me He knows, without a doubt, when it's the PERFECT time to say yes and when it's the PERFECT time to say no. He doesn't hope He's right.... He KNOWS He's right. I often have good intentions but He ALWAYS has our good in mind.

Let FREEDOM Ring!

"Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is the day of a reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
Let the GUILTY pay
It's Independence Day"

Hear Ye Hear Ye - all citizens of this once great country! May we rise up and return to our freedom once again! May the many races of America rise up as one people - all agendas (including racism) and limits be removed once and for all! May the political parties cease and unity reign. May ALL CAREER politicians be removed and may true pioneers - those with real vision for the betterment of us ALL rise up and be seen as true warriors for our nation. May the 'us them' mentality be forever gone and may the majority rise up for the rights our founding Fathers fought so dearly to preserve for us. May the ultra liberal and ultra conservatives lose their voices so that the majority may speak and be clearly heard!

May the rich have compassion and be stirred to reach out and lend a hand to the poor but may the government NEVER enforce this! May the sole enforcer of this tender compassion come solely from our creator - the one who DID create us ALL equal! May the poor be cared for properly - with dignity and with the agenda of carefully teaching them to fish so their dignity may be restored rather than teaching them to expect a check. Someone with dignity will far surpass someone trained to look for the meager rationings thrown at them. It is the fight to survive, that is within us all, that stirs us on - not the fight to sit and wait for charity.

May the sick be well cared for, and once again may it be that they are cared for with dignity. Not in such a way that bankrupts them and causes them to lose all they have for the simple pleasure of breathing clearly another day! May this not be done with an iron fist that limits the best we can be but with a hand of tenderness and compassion that causes a Doctor to not watch a family suffer due to not having $ or insurance. May the doctor patient relationship be restored and may true freedom reign within this field once again. May the drug companies and insurance companies get their hands off the doctors so they can properly diagnose medical issues and not throw a pill at us when we aren't well!

May the church rise up with compassion and love. May the church be Christ - rather than another business entity looking for who's the best among their peers. May the church return to it's first love and seek God's face, rather than His hand. May the church lose it's haughty way of looking down on those whom stir the very heart of God. Those who act out in such crazy ways but are ultimately seeking love. Those who've been wounded by the hand of another - they need the one true solution to the ails of their lives and not a judgmental glance from the 'holy'.

May America be TRULY FREE again - Father God heal our land!

Hear Us From Heaven (by Jared Anderson)

Verse:
Lord, hear our cry
Come heal our land
Breath life into these dry and thirsty souls
Lord, hear our prayer
Forgive our sin
And as we call on Your name
Would You make this a place For Your glory to dwell

Chorus:
Open the blind eyes
Unlock the deaf ears
Come to Your people
As we draw near
Hear us from heaven
Touch our generation
We are Your people
Crying out in desperation

Lord hear our song
Your children worship
As we sing out Your praise
Would You make this a place for Your glory to dwell

Bridge:
Hear Us From Heaven,
Hear Us From Heaven,
Hear Us From Heaven (4x)