His Grace IS Sufficient!!

The puzzle pieces of my life are coming together lately. Many 'aha' moments. This morning I read the following in an email: "My grace is sufficient for the demands of today. Take one moment at a time and one step at a time and trust Me with all of your heart. Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

As I read this email and the scripture it jumped out at me again. "God's sufficiency in the midst of insufficiency." If you've read my last two posts you will easily notice what I saw. I will explain the connection but first I must add another detail to this whole story.

There was a time in my life where I felt I had done things as I should. I was that girl. The one who obeyed all the rules and didn't notice how much of a gift that was to myself. I had my eyes focused on other things as an indicator for a successful life. I saw the fun my friends had, I saw how they lacked the guilt meter within their head that kept me from the 'fun' I saw them readily enjoying. I wanted to be brave enough to live it up too. I wanted to stop feeling like life was passing me by while I sat on the side lines watching all the fun. I didn't see how this gift of keeping myself from these sort of pleasures was truly a gift to myself. Shoulda, coulda, woulda told that girl to keep on keepin' on but... my eyes were off course and I followed the fun.

While on my trip down 'fun' lane, God began chasing me down. What happened was every.single.time I turned on the TV or radio or anything really - there would be a Pastor on TV preaching on the scripture passage of Matthew 6:33-34. It wasn't like every channel had it on but it would not fail that if I couldn't find something to watch on TV, my channel flipping would find a Pastor reading that scripture at the moment I 'tuned in'. It took several instances of this before I began to stop and listen, out of curiosity that EVERY Pastor was preaching on this scripture. The thing is I knew God all my life and I KNEW that this wasn't a coincidence. I finally began listening when I was channel flipping.

After some time I went home to visit my parents and I agreed to attend a church service with them. I grew up going to church but went my own way for about 3 years before this chase surfaced. I had a friend from high school call me and tell me of nightmares she was having about me and many other weird things. So, I go to church with my parents and on my way to church (I drove separate b/c they were in choir and Sunday School so I went alone) my tire went flat. I drove on my rim for too long because I knew I had no one to call to help me. All my connections were in my new community and I lost all contact back home. So I drove as far as I felt I could and then walked to church. I had this overwhelming fear come over me and I began to have anxiety as I almost ran to church. My Mom saw me walk in the door from the choir loft - she saw the panic on my face and came to see if I was OK.

Would you believe..... the Pastor got on stage and he said "Would you open your Bible's to Matthew 6:33-36?". O.M.G.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew God was at the point of this 'chase' after me that things were about to change. I was about to get back on the road I lived all my life. The three year sabbatical was over - time to get back on THE right track again. I relented and I said yes to Christ again and life began changing little by little.

Here I am today, reading a simple email, with the understanding of my latest adventure in life WITH God and finding His message to me has been the same all along. "MY grace is sufficient for thee!" "MY grace is enough!" "I AM enough!"

It's no coincidence on this day that my 222 moment and my return to the Lord moment have the same message. Everything around me is insufficient - to some degree - but HE is NEVER insufficient. It is only when I take my eyes off of Him and put them on the issue at hand that I minimize His abilities. Just like Peter, when my eyes are in full focus on Him - I'm well cared for. When I let my eyes wonder to the luxuries of life or the cares of this world - then I'm sinking before I know it. Gotta keep my eyes on Him. Gotta KNOW that He IS enough! He is sufficient and if I keep that at the center of my life then I will not ride the roller coaster of emotions; I will remain steady in the palm of His hand while chaos surrounds me. Now THAT is the kind of security I want!

Oh How He Whispers!

Last summer I reunited with some friends and they mentioned a retreat they were going to attend. I knew the ministry leader was great and I was so hungry for a God moment. I know God had been ministering to me 1 on 1 and that was EXCITING!!!! The only thing was I had a taste of the deepness of God, while under this ministry leader before, and I had not found anything like it since. To say I was excited and thrilled about this retreat was a slight understatement.

The plans were set - things were in order - I was looking forward to our time together and then... Hurricane Gustav hit. This meant that if there was severe damage to the area where we were staying the retreat was cancelled. Gustav arrived on September 1, 2008 and our retreat was on September 4, 2008, we found out that our retreat location was not affected but everyone attending the retreat was affected. They were without power, fuel and the after affects seemed to be on going for sometime. The retreat wasn't cancelled because the facilities would not allow us to postpone or refund money so... the show must go on.

We arrived and boy was it a great time of refreshing and much teaching that was truly life changing. Thankfully my husband saw the personal benefit this time was for me and when they announced their retreat in May 2009, I was able to go. Then I just returned from our retreat that was September 10, 2009. Each retreat has been life-changing for me and I am so glad to have reconnected to this source of ministry again.

I said all of that to say, every retreat there has been a unique thing that has happened on my ride home. I ALWAYS see an abundance of yellow butterflies. How crazy is that?! I know they are around before and after retreat but for whatever reason - they are everywhere I look as I drive home. I thought it unique and yet wondered if there could be more to this 'coincidence'. I believe that God is always trying to speak to us - He uses His creation as He likes to accomplish that. Whether it be a recurring number (222 for me - see last post) or a yellow butterfly.

Needless to say, I began searching for meaning behind yellow butterflies. I found that yellow represents Gift. "A gift (with feeling); gift from or of God; marriage; family; honor. Welcome home (as in "a yellow ribbon") The scripture reference for yellow:

Though ye have lain among the pots, yet shall ye be as the wings of a dove [spiritual] covered with silver [knowledge], and her feather with yellow gold [spirit of wisdom and the glory of God] Psalm 68:13

Butterfly represents freedom. "Flighty (flitting about); fragile" There were scripture references to transformation which often refers to butterflies.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind... Romans 12:2

So can I deduce that the wisdom gleaned at retreat is a fragile gift of God that produces freedom as I bring these truths home? I don't see why it can't represent that or it could just be about walking in the freedom attained during that time away. Either way - I'm taking it! He may even have a more personal reason than that, one I've yet to discover but that's what I love most about my God. He is ever revealing a new glimpse of truth of Himself to me. He keeps me on this adventure of my life - this chase of sorts. He chases me down with His goodness, I'm often too busy to recognize His gentle whispers toward me. If nothing else I am encouraged to see that I'm now awake to Him. I see a pattern, and yes it may take 3 times before I put things together, and I look for what He may want me to see in that silly or truly heavy situation.

He does the same when I am weary and fighting a battle too. Just yesterday I was wavering in an issue I've had to take a stand in lately. I had the urge to respond opposite how He has been leading me to respond. I was battling this thought - the just get it over with and move on feeling - when I decided to talk with a friend. I so want it to be over! It was clear to me that my friend confirmed what I already knew - it isn't time to move on. I hated that this meant this battle is not over yet. But OH how my want to was distracting me with the desire for the ease of getting this over with.

I picked up my Beth Moore Esther study and read "Sometimes God is more aware than we of just how much He requires of us. He knows how hard it's going to be for us." and then I read (in reference to Mordecai standing at the king's gate) "Mordecai's unwillingness to bow in 5:9 recalls his refusal in 3:2, but with one huge difference. This time Mordecai not only refused to bow but even to stand. Any time He calls us to die, His purpose is to reveal larger life." OK, I thought, I get it. I know when I studied chapter 3 of Esther God revealed a call 'to stand' to me. Then here I am wavering with standing, by wanting to remove this issue and move on, to only be reminded again the significance of standing when no one knows why in the world you dare to stand.

Fast forward to later that day when a fellow blogger stopped in for a visit and said hello. She shared that she felt the urge to come 'see me' after reading a comment I shared on another blog. She read it yesterday but I wrote it almost a month ago. I went back to that comment - out of curiosity and wouldn't you know it. I was sharing my revelation of needing to stand with this friend and by no strange coincidence - I reminded myself of the depth of truth God showed me back when I first posted that comment. Then I went to that person's blog to say thank you and her post was on 'Time to Take a Stand'. See.. even when things seem painful God uses multiple ways to get to us. To nudge us, to encourage us, to talk to us, to love us! He is our pursuer!! I think we miss his pursuits more than we notice!

My heart cry today is "I have eyes to see, I have ears to hear, I have a heart to know you God. Please heighten my seeing, my hearing and my knowing! I don't want to miss another whisper from You!"

Rend Your Heart

"Even now," declares the Lord,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."

Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.

Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing --
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the Lord your God.

Blow the trumpet in Zion,
declare a holy fast,
call a sacred assembly.
Gather the people,
consecrate the assembly;
bring together the elders,
gather the children,
those nursing at the breast.
Let the bridegroom leave his room
and the bride her chamber.

Let the priests, who minister before the Lord,
weep between the temple porch and the altar.
Let them say, "Spare your people, O Lord.
Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn,
a byword among the nations.
Why should they say among the peoples,
'Where is there God?' "
Joel 2: 12-17
****************************************

When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai,
he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because
you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews
will escape. For if you remain silent at this time,
relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from
another place, but you and your father's family
will perish. And WHO KNOWS but that you have
come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Then Esther sent this replay to Mordecai: "Go,
gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and
fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days,
night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do.
When this is done, I will go to the king, even though
it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."

So Mordecai went away and carried out all of
Esthers' instructions.
Esther 4:12-17
*************************************

"Beloved, in the times of greatest struggle when you
make the Godward decision over convenience, earthly
comfort, or carnal pleasure, you too have come to a
critical moment in the fulfillment of your destiny. A
defining moment. A war is being waged over your head
in the unseen realm, and a great cloud of witnesses is
cheering you on. You have no idea what's at stake."
Beth Moore ~ Esther Study

A Time to.....

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

What time are you in?

The Race

Last night I awoke a few times - nothing earth shattering but in that twinkling of consciousness I had this visual of a baby learning to walk. Often times the momentum of walking alone will cause the baby to run unexpectedly and usually they will fall flat on their tummy/hands. They are forward falling because of their posture of arms outstretched and leaning towards where they are going. Later on, of course, they learn to balance better and are less likely to tumble forward but now land on that cushy diaper beneath them.

The second visual was of an experienced runner. One who knows how to time themselves and to properly run the race to endure. They press past their pain and do not give up easily. They know how to pace themselves and therefore they will finish - not necessarily the first to finish the race but they will finish. They have sacrificed much to train for this moment.

The third visual was of someone with great zeal - running as fast as they could so they could make quick progress to only see that very early on they were out of breath, may need to stop to rest in order to continue, may not finish at all because of the cramping and severe stress they've put on their body.

I think we all have found ourselves in each scenario listed above. Remove the 'runner' example and replace that with your job, parenting, your walk with God or anything. It all can fit. At first we are all in - leaning forward towards the mark ahead. No turning back because our eyes are fixed on where we want to go. The second example is one of an old pro. The third is one who is familiar with the skill at hand but really doesn't know as much as they think they know about the skill.

Looking back on life in general I can see many years I lived life in the 3rd scenario. Whether it be about God or my job or raising kids or... or... or. I found that way of life to be filled with MY effort to strive and work to 'make' things happen. It was an exhausting experience with little to show for all the work.

Recently some of that striving has vanished. I don't know what the final lesson was but the inner dialogue and struggle has ended. That doesn't mean I do not progress or learn or grow - it just means I am finding more rest in the journey because I am not running in an overzealous fashion anymore but taking a slow and steady pace that allows me to cross the finish line more often.

I think I did manage to cross the finish line occasionally when I was in scenario 3 in life but my lessons learned were easily lost because my focus was on the work I did. There was rarely time to rest and take in the lesson at hand. This last year specifically has brought much rest and much learning to the core of myself and maybe that is why the finish line has been crossed more often. More little wins that contribute to the bigger wins. The little win of not letting things get to my heart when they shouldn't. The little wins of enjoying the question at hand in my life rather than trying to erase any and all questions with my flawed understanding. I'm learning that some things cannot be understood because human nature alone causes us to do unthinkable things from time to time. Often times with that 'I don't know why I, or why they, did that' feeling hovering ever near.

When we are in the infant stage of life in our walk with God - we are ever focused on the job of stepping. We are conscious of every step taken and we take it with great caution. Every tiny step is a win. When we are over confident and 'know' it all, our eyes are not fixed on any goal in sight because we have it figured out anyway so who really needs to do all that work to cross the finish line. But the conditioned runner - that runner knows the value of pace, focus and endurance. The work has been done before the big day and now it's time to finish strong. The eyes are on the finish line - a goal is in sight and therefore victory is inevitable.

To look back and see that even though life is still hard at times; and even though I still mess up sometimes; I am still crossing the finish line. How exciting! No, my 'run' is not perfect and there are moments I want to give up and quit 'working' still, but the ability to endure has increased due to regular practice throughout the week. It is a daily training, not a weekly one. It is a moment by moment training, not only a daily one. It is a constant conversation, not a neglected one.

It is the most alive I've ever felt and I can't imagine why I ever tried it my way first. To find His rest and to still goof is far less of a fall than striving and working diligently on things myself. To only find my 'help' was only a longer fall. His rest is better. His way is better. I won't look back - wounds are healing and mistakes are being healed but I'm still pressing on with my eyes on Him. I hope I never take my eyes off His again. It's so much more fun to cooperate and live life His way than to go my own way and ask Him to fix my mess. There are far fewer casualties His way!

God's Chisel - The Skit Guys

I've Been Captivated by THE Picture of Love

I'm really enjoying the book "Captivating" that I've been reading. It's one I've had on my shelf for about 1 year and I've finally made my way to opening the cover. I think this was the time I needed to read this book the most. I love when He leads me to a treasure like this one - at just the right time. :) God is so good! He is our pursuer! He is our protector! He is in CRAZY love with us! I so love Him!

This book is about 'Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul'. WOW! Well, from what I've read thus far (and I'm on chapter 6 now) this book is so very revealing to the attacks that Satan has had on women from Eve onward. Satan didn't just choose to deceive Eve randomly - he chose her as his target for very specific reasons. It is so amazing to see the heart reason for this attack and how this lie has been so readily bought by the entire human race (yes - that means men and women have bought this lie). It is eye opening at the very least. It clearly shows what God designed women for and how Satan has corrupted that and/or distorted it so much that we don't even know why we ache in the pit of our soul for that something that we instinctively KNOW is missing. But we do.

Anyway, at the beginning of chapter 6 a familiar scripture is shared and then put in modern lingo. It is the scripture that Jesus read when He officially started His ministry, it is from Isaiah 61: 1-3.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion ----
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

This is what Jesus was most passionate about - this was the core desire of His heart for ministry.

The modern lingo of the scripture above:

God has sent me on a mission.
I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and release something.
And that something is you.
I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.
I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight
against him.
Let me comfort you.
For, dear one, I will bestow beauty upon you
where you have known only devastation.
Joy, in the places of your deep sorrow.
And I will robe your heart in thankful praise
in exchange for your resignation and despair.
(From the book 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge)

He loves us - OH how He loves us! OH how He loves us! OH how He LOVES! (If you haven't listened to that song I posted on my blog a few days ago via youtube- you need to listen to it and drink in the truth of His love! He loves us dearly! The depth of His love is amazing! I adore Him!)

Understand the Season

I love the way God does things. Last week I tried to share this story in another post but I could not remember the details. I couldn't find where I saved the email either. Wouldn't you know it that a group that often sends me email updates included this story in their email update yesterday! I love it! ;)

Now, when I first heard this story it was from the perspective of not judging one another by the one season we see that person going through. A reminder that we are all more than the one season we are going through at this time. But yesterday this story was shared with a slight change in the focus. We must not even judge our own lives too quickly - what a great message. So I hope you enjoy reading this story of seasons - I know it is a great lesson in perspective no matter how you apply the lesson.

Understand the Season

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent each of them on a quest to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and returned, he called them all together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent and twisted.

The second son said it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was lad with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The father then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree or person by only one season. The essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy and love that comes from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of spring, the beauty of your summer and the fulfillment of your fall.

The moral of the story for all of us is, don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Today I want to remind you not to judge life by one difficult season. As you persevere through the difficult and challenging seasons in your life, know that better times are on their way. Don't grow weary in doing right or working hard because in due season you will flourish and have success!

Closed Eyes and Closed Heart

I just heard this said "I just closed my eyes and my heart and I just did it." 'It' can represent a multitude of things. For this particular person, it was something that they were not proud they did. That phrase is such a perfect one - I just closed my eyes and my heart and I just did it. I don't know about you but there have been times in my life that I've just closed my eyes and my heart and did something on my "I would never" list. It can be as simple as hurting someone you care about or as big as the worst moments are in our individual lives. It even occurs when we choose not to forgive an offense. It is a slippery slope we find ourselves on when we close our eyes and heart.

As is the case with any sort of neglect, self inflicted or otherwise, there are consequences. I know the after effects that immediately followed for me can vary from self hatred to much wondering of what was I thinking. What causes us to come to the point of willingly closing our eyes and our heart to do the things we never want to do? Thankfully I've not found myself in this place very often and I hope I continue to guard against the urge to close my eyes and heart again; but I thought this phrase so well describes the process we may go through when we do shut down.

Our heart and eyes cannot bear the information so they must be intentionally closed down in an effort to preserve self. Willingly closing our heart can cause us to become hard hearted if we are not careful. Have you ever willingly closed your eyes and heart to something or someone? Have you gone to the next step of willingly opening your eyes and heart to those areas now? It is not the easiest step to take but a necessary one. Without willingly opening your eyes and heart in that area again - you are building a wall that will only harm you when all is said and done. It is smart to take some time to carefully walk through the process of properly healing before opening up again; but in the end it is the most vital step toward a healthier you.