HE's AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I picked up a partially used journal I used as a notebook for church. I've been in several places where I knew I would want to take notes lately and so I pulled it out again. As I flipped through I saw the date of April 30, 2004, not a significant date to me until I started reading the notes I took on that very day. In April of 2004 we had an almost one year old little girl in our world. No clue that life was due to change for us so drastically. No clue whatsoever... but God knew!

Not only did He know - looking back at the plethora of notes from staff meetings, Bible studies and church in general... the mandate was clear - God wants to be our only source, God is the fullness of all security, do not be moved by fear, live by truth, absolute surrender, let's go to the other side, we grow in the valley, God took them through a transition time that seemed downward to man, this was no surprise to God! WOW! That is a glimpse of messages I heard in about two months time - a time when (as I look back now) was perfection to me then and now. I was happy thrilled with my church and my job (which was at my church) and I ADORED being a Mother and Steve and I were dreaming of our own business - to fulfill a burning desire within.

In 2004, we were convinced that HPC was our church for life - we had found our home. We were thriving and being fed and did I mention how happy we were? Ahem... Then in February 2005 we gladly welcomed our precious son home (after opening our restaurant in January) and felt like life was really becoming settled for us. Life was good. Two wonderful kids and a busy life that felt perfect to us.

Then August 2005 Hurricane Katrina blew through our world and turned New Orleans and Baton Rouge upside down. Our newly opened business was hanging on but had been slow due to the normal ebb and flow of restaurant life - summers = slower business. August was the beginning of the end of that slowness. Hurricane Katrina had different plans. Although we had faithful customers and friends ... we soon saw life was really starting to look glum for us. We both felt an urge to go. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced before or since. A burning knowing that it was time to go but in the natural 'WHAT are you thinking?' was the name of that tune. We tried to find a local solution but kept feeling PUSHED out of BR. It is the strangest thing - to some/most it may sound crazy (and believe me it FELT crazy) but there is NO doubt in my mind that we were hearing anything BUT the voice of God.

The last three years have been a whirlwind of sorts. I have gone from numb to an utter mess and still feel unclear as to what is next. I (like most I would guess) do not like the uncertainty of the unknown and so I ache for the absolutes of life. Things like where will we live long-term, will we stay where we are now, I want my kids to grow up in one area.... many other things like that which cries out to my soul like air. I ache for certainty! I ache to find MY place in this new place! I ache to know what in the world God is up to in our lives! Since we've moved I have felt so unlike myself. We do not have the home we want, we haven't found our fit in key areas of our lives, I feel like it is all temporary, then I feel strong, then I feel like if just the right (or wrong depending on the moment) word is said.... I can become a ball of emotions - a fountain of tears that wails from within. Grief I guess. Grief of what was, what is not, and what will really be. Transition! Transition stinks! :) Really - it does!

I don't know the answers but looking back at that journal (and God has brought me back to just the right journal at just the right time when I've been desperate to hear from Him) has shown me a mini-glimpse of how carefully and purposefully God was preparing us before we moved- even though I had to go through many ups and downs within the last 3 years to fully grasp the truths of it all - He began pecking away at my heart in these areas WAY before I thought we would ever move. What an awesome God He is!

I just thought that I needed to praise Him for Who He IS and He is loving, kind, gentle, long-suffering (because I have definitely been thick headed in grasping some truths), empathetic (I have cried more in the last 3 years than I can remember), TRUE, dependable, honest, soothing (to my very SOUL - the most deepest darkest places of pain)! He is STRONG! MIGHTY! POWERFUL!! ALL KNOWING!! VICTORIOUS! HE IS ALL and ALL!!! I can't believe the details He cares to dive into - just to let me know He is there and has ALWAYS been. To hold me as I cry and or ache for the easier road. To send an encouraging word just when I don't think I have another step within! He is beyond AMAZING!

Although the last 3 years sounds pretty horrible (if you base your opinion on what is shared in this post).. it has been THE BEST THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE!!! I have walked WITH God in places and spaces and moments that are way TOO precious to me. God has shown up mightily and powerfully way more than I can share here. He has been hand in hand on this journey with us and man is that amazing. We have grown together as a couple (Steve and I) as a family and as believers. Guess what - if you take a leap of faith and follow that crazy voice of God whispering in your ear (be sure it is God and not bad pizza by the way).... HE CATCHES YOU AND YOU ARE IN FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!! My God IS amazing!