Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

A glance back down memory lane explains much to me. We moved about 3.5 years ago and I've noticed a familiar feeling return - "Do I really know anyone here and does anyone really know me?" We moved around much when I was in school. I think I attended 3 or 4 elementary schools and 2 different middle schools. We finally settled in one place my last year of middle school and I finished high school in the same place.

Over the last 3.5 years I've felt like I was back in middle school. I know that in truth I'm not, but the feeling of being in a new place stirred up the feelings I once new well in middle/high school. Where do I belong? Who can I trust? How can I plug in this community? Same questions - different stage of life.

The first 2 years were great. I was plugging in and feeling like life was treating me fine. Then that 3rd year hit me when I wasn't looking. It was a doozy! I started feeling like I hadn't really gotten to know anyone, really. It was all the surface stuff that, as a Mom, we cannot help indulging in. It isn't our fault really! Every conversation is at the mercy of our wee ones. Every bit of knowledge of the friendships made in the first 2 years was deeply fragmented. My kids were at ages that they needed me and therefore I look back and think... there is SO much I feel I don't really know about the connections I made in those first 2 years. This was how I felt but I didn't have words to express because I was 'in' the moment and it wasn't clear why I felt so disconnected. Looking back now we were all sharing the new feeling of being called Mommy; but that wasn't all there was to know about one another.

It wasn't until reading a friends list of '25 things about me' that it hit me how true one of her 'facts about her' fit all Moms really. She wrote "People didn't used to be so surprised to find out I have a sense of humor. I don't know what happened. It IS a little dry I guess." The other obvious thing I noticed was I knew so little about her. Seeing her list - NONE OF THAT came up in our many conversations!!! How can that be possible?! That list of 25 - I did mine and I know for me - I shared things that seemed most like me to me; so knowing I didn't know these things about her was jarring.

After pondering her #19 on her list - the humor one - I finally saw it all clearly! How fragmented much of my time is with my friends. No time for real talk. We talk about the here and now and what is going on with our kids mostly. Stages of change for them, progress, behavior issues and how we handled it.... on and on the list goes. Where are WE in that conversation? We are becoming Mothers.

Often that requires a sacrifice of 'me'. Whether you are a working Mom or a SAHM (stay at home mom) the 'me' changes. The single me changed into the married me and now the married me is responsible for little lives. I've never learned MORE about myself than I have by being a Mom but I've also never felt so unknown by those in my life than I do now.

I think it is a season but for now I do feel like I'm beginning to break out of the being unknown feeling. Seeing that it exists and that I was so deeply hidden made me more intentional to offer the 'me' in my time with friends AND it made me more intentional to find the 'me' of those who surround me. There is nothing worse than being surrounded by GREAT people who you really love and care about and realize they have no idea who I am and sadly I don't know them at all either. I know there heart, as far as mothering is concerned, but that is almost all I know about them! I'm awake to this distraction and I want to know all the 'me's' that I call friends. They are ALL dear to me - even the ones I rarely see or chat with via the www - but they are still important to me and I am now wanting to know the 'me' I failed to know when we had more time together!