The Yearning for Peace

We've been having behavior issues around our house lately. I've tried to be considerate of the many changes we've recently gone through (moved, kids now sharing a room, baseball practice/games added to schedule for JB - which has been hard for HC to endure, 10 days away on a road trip, still unpacking boxes in our house). In my efforts to give my kids time to adjust, I've allowed some behaviors to slide. Now here I am, over a month later, with no end to the bickering in sight wondering when/if this new war would end. Some of the more annoying issues we were dealing with daily - really every minute - were direct disobedience and constant fights over the most ridiculous issues.

We were due to begin school in early July so I was hoping this would help them settle down, because a schedule does tend to squeeze out some unnecessary fighting around our house. School began the first full week of July and we are seeing no change in the fighting/disobeying. We were having a play date with friends yesterday (I thought maybe my kids were in need of friends around) and that is when I realized that I could no longer give grace to my sweet kiddo's. It was time to correct this matter with no more hesitation. They were very mean to their friend - even seeming to gang up against this one friend. I was devastated! I was overwhelmed with this act of pure mean-ness (although I did actually think - well they ARE getting along with each other now. but this was VERY fleeting.). They've ALWAYS been glad to be with friends and they've ALWAYS reacted well to time with friends - this disturbed my heart to no end!

Once I put the kids down for their naps I could finally let all of the mornings activities sink in! I felt like I had just run a marathon - my energy was zapped, my head was POUNDING and my neck was a ball of tension. What on earth would I do to change my kids hearts now? I feared I let them have time to adjust for too long and had created monsters. Sure, all kids have bad days but this had grown into an unending war by now. I felt defeated. So I did what any other desperate mom would do - I shared my woes via facebook.

Many friends offered ideas to assist me and I was so encouraged. It surprised me that I had forgotten certain basic tools we once used without thinking. Now, in my distress these ideas were long gone. I started to pray and think 'God, what now? So many great ideas but what will work with my kids now?' I started thinking about what I should/could do. Should I not sign HC up for ballet this year? Should I cut out all friend play time? Should I take every toy they own and sell it on ebay? Should I put them in a chair and make them hold hands until love oozed out of their pores for one another? WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!???

Then it hit me, since moving we've put the kids in a room together and left one room as their play room/TV room. I could start with disconnecting that TV. So, when the woke from their naps I told them that their behavior caused me to take their TV. That they would not have ANY TV time until they began to obey right away AND learn to play well together again. No more fighting. In fact, if they continue to fight then I will take HC's baby dolls away and JB's cars away. This will serve to show them that they are hurting one another when they fight and that bad choices do have consequences. This brought tears for about 10 minutes and then suddenly they were playing together. The rest of the evening was full of giggles and playing. I was shocked.

This morning HC and JB began to argue with one another and so I told them to go bring me a doll and a car. JB was QUICK to obey (although he did so with tears) so he only had to bring me 1 car. HC brought me every junk doll that had no value to her so after 3 dolls of this I told her she now owed me 3 dolls for not obeying right away and because she didn't bring a special doll as I asked. After this incident, I decided today would be a PJ day and the kids climbed in bed with me and we just loved on one another. We had fun playing and laughing and tickling and hiccuping and now the kids were going to go play together in the play room.

As I reminded them of the rules, I heard these words flow out of my mouth "If you love Mommy, then show kindness to one another." {Gulp} Wow! I know - this is THE commandment that God has given to us. Matthew 22:37, 39, 40 Basically - love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, mind and love your neighbor as yourself. So if we love God properly we will love ourselves and others properly. I know this but it is hard to do, and I know it is/will be hard for my kids to accomplish this too. But I've never before understood the heart cry behind this scripture until going through this battle with my kids. My heart truly YEARNS for them to love one another. I KNOW they love me but it pleases me most when they show love to one another. I am humbled by this ache and I desire for the toxic areas of my heart to be fully purged so that I can properly love as God YEARNS for me to love. God have mercy on my very soul!