Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

A glance back down memory lane explains much to me. We moved about 3.5 years ago and I've noticed a familiar feeling return - "Do I really know anyone here and does anyone really know me?" We moved around much when I was in school. I think I attended 3 or 4 elementary schools and 2 different middle schools. We finally settled in one place my last year of middle school and I finished high school in the same place.

Over the last 3.5 years I've felt like I was back in middle school. I know that in truth I'm not, but the feeling of being in a new place stirred up the feelings I once new well in middle/high school. Where do I belong? Who can I trust? How can I plug in this community? Same questions - different stage of life.

The first 2 years were great. I was plugging in and feeling like life was treating me fine. Then that 3rd year hit me when I wasn't looking. It was a doozy! I started feeling like I hadn't really gotten to know anyone, really. It was all the surface stuff that, as a Mom, we cannot help indulging in. It isn't our fault really! Every conversation is at the mercy of our wee ones. Every bit of knowledge of the friendships made in the first 2 years was deeply fragmented. My kids were at ages that they needed me and therefore I look back and think... there is SO much I feel I don't really know about the connections I made in those first 2 years. This was how I felt but I didn't have words to express because I was 'in' the moment and it wasn't clear why I felt so disconnected. Looking back now we were all sharing the new feeling of being called Mommy; but that wasn't all there was to know about one another.

It wasn't until reading a friends list of '25 things about me' that it hit me how true one of her 'facts about her' fit all Moms really. She wrote "People didn't used to be so surprised to find out I have a sense of humor. I don't know what happened. It IS a little dry I guess." The other obvious thing I noticed was I knew so little about her. Seeing her list - NONE OF THAT came up in our many conversations!!! How can that be possible?! That list of 25 - I did mine and I know for me - I shared things that seemed most like me to me; so knowing I didn't know these things about her was jarring.

After pondering her #19 on her list - the humor one - I finally saw it all clearly! How fragmented much of my time is with my friends. No time for real talk. We talk about the here and now and what is going on with our kids mostly. Stages of change for them, progress, behavior issues and how we handled it.... on and on the list goes. Where are WE in that conversation? We are becoming Mothers.

Often that requires a sacrifice of 'me'. Whether you are a working Mom or a SAHM (stay at home mom) the 'me' changes. The single me changed into the married me and now the married me is responsible for little lives. I've never learned MORE about myself than I have by being a Mom but I've also never felt so unknown by those in my life than I do now.

I think it is a season but for now I do feel like I'm beginning to break out of the being unknown feeling. Seeing that it exists and that I was so deeply hidden made me more intentional to offer the 'me' in my time with friends AND it made me more intentional to find the 'me' of those who surround me. There is nothing worse than being surrounded by GREAT people who you really love and care about and realize they have no idea who I am and sadly I don't know them at all either. I know there heart, as far as mothering is concerned, but that is almost all I know about them! I'm awake to this distraction and I want to know all the 'me's' that I call friends. They are ALL dear to me - even the ones I rarely see or chat with via the www - but they are still important to me and I am now wanting to know the 'me' I failed to know when we had more time together!

Snow Day

We have had some adventurous weather lately. Friday we had a tornado miles away, Saturday was a gloomy wet day and this morning it snowed for hours! The snow began falling in the wee hours of the morning and stopped around noon. It was the most fun ever! Plenty of time to really enjoy ourselves and tire out from the fun of it all. I believe we did just about everything we could do with the snow. HC had a great idea that we should pile up the wagon with as much snow as possible. We could have piled it higher but... JB wanted snowball fights and so this was our limit. The view from our street.
My two were so happy. HC had been praying for a snow day since November. She wanted to make a snow angel and boy did she get a BIG answer to her prayer! (I had begun to think we wouldn't see the white stuff this year. Boy was I wrong!)
My happy girl! YAY God!
JB couldn't resist the urge to throw the snowball before I took the picture. I love it!
Let's get this snowball fight going, shall we?
So fun!
Now THAT'S one cool dude eh?!
So cold yet so happy!
One of my favorite pics of JB, ever!
SNOW BALL FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a fun day. It was just enough. We had hours of fun and more snow than we expected! No complaints here!

It has been a truly fun day around our house. Potato soup on the stove now, hot chocolate has been consumed.... who could ask for anything more?

A Tour of Our Local Grocery Store

I heart Publix! There's just something about this store - it is always so clean and the staff is very friendly! Not to mention the bargains, so when I heard our home school group was going on a tour of the place - I was happy to sign us up! Here we are as we waited for the fun to begin. Lots of fun stacking cans!
Then it was time to begin the tour. Our tour guide was Boston Charles! He was a great guide. He made the time fly by!
We split our group into 2 groups. Here's our group beginning the tour.
Charles was calling for one of our students over the intercom. I was so glad we got the fun guide!
And the moment finally came - the opportunity for us to see what lies behind the double doors! Woohoo! (Even though I worked in a grocery store while I was in high school, I still thought it was fun to see the back of the store.)
Here he was showing us how they stack the goods on crates and lift them on the shelf.
He demonstrated this cool gadget! He even beeped the horn for us.
We peeked in several coolers and freezers. He was thorough.
The kids all signed in/out for work. I'm afraid he didn't expect them to be so hands on! :) They enjoyed the chance to press the buttons. Hopefully they didn't sign anyone in or out.
Then one of the butchers brought out a live lobster for us to see. The kids loved it!
Here's one of the Publix crew stocking the bakery and we found out that the dolly is called a float.
They were given hair nets when we passed by the bakery.
JB was not interested in the hair net. But the cookie was a welcome gift.
We toured the upstairs loft - where the offices are and then....
black out! I missed getting a shot of the view but.... it was neat to be up there when the power shut off. The emergency generators had a few lights on before we knew it. What a fun time. After the tour ended we picked up a few groceries and we were on our way home. We found out a tornado had hit down the road when the power shut down on us. We safely arrived home and took a nap while waiting for our electricity to turn on. It was an adventurous time in the end! I love field trip days!

Melodye is....thinking

What a whacky fun world facebook can be. I'm finding it to be a great way to keep in touch with friends and family who live hours away; and those who live minutes away for that matter. Sadly, life with kids offers little 'me' time and spending time with friends (without kids along for the ride) requires lots of schedule juggling. I say 'sadly' but I do not mean I do not enjoy my kids! I'm thrilled to wear the Mommy hat! Before we had HC we wondered if we could ever become pregnant, so my role as Mommy is truly cherished! That being said.... I do miss friends/family in my life these days! There just isn't enough time in the day, so thank God for facebook!

Anyway, let's move this along shall we? Tonight I realized that I think I am experiencing some sort of winter-itis. I don't know the official name because I am not accustomed to winter weather. Sure, I am fully aware that my friends in the Dakota's cannot relate to my version of winter - I think my winter = their spring. But none the less in the world of Melodye this winter has been the most consistently cold winter I've had the pleasure of experiencing in years. Truly! So that is the reason behind my winter blues maybe?

We need to get outside. The 4 walls of this house are squeezing my guts out as we speak! To top things off we (the kids and I) are recovering from a cold. I know.. wah! wah! Well, lately I've been thinking and for me that isn't necessarily a good thing. Thinking is good in and of itself but when it is a constant noise within your head it can make a person loopy! I think I am feeling loopy.

So tonight, on this evening of February 24th at 10:10 pm I am officially saying 'SHUT UP' to my mind! There has been much time to think, as we've been couped up in this winter cage. No more thinking! And if I happen to catch myself thinking and you are near... if you hear me say "Shhh.. or hush" or something to that end... don't take it personally. I'm just talking to my busy mind. I'm ready to get the kids outdoors again and live. Enough time sitting and hiding from the wind/rain/cold temps! Now it is time for spring - I am declaring it spring today!

I'm renewing my mind this very moment and I put a stop to the noise of thoughts. I'm ready to get out and live life again! Too much time spent thinking leads to many unnecessary rabbit chases. Usually unproductive ones at that.

Everyone Needs A Little!

I recently purchased the Kari Jobe CD and I am loving it. I just felt the urge to share the words of one of my new faves from this CD. Notice the language "ONE of my new faves". :) I likey this CD. I actually bought the last CD in our local Lifeway, I was so glad there was one saved just for me. :)

"Everyone Needs A Little"

Come all ye weary and ye broken. Come to the table of the Lord.
Come sing the song of the forgiven. Come lay your burden on the Word.

Come and find peace, everyone needs a little
Rest, everyone needs a little, Joy and a song to sing
in the darkest night. Life, even when it gets you down....
Hope will turn it all around, But love is the greatest of these.
Everyone needs a little.

Sing all ye saints and ye sinners. Call upon the mercy of the Lord.
Come sing the song of the redemption. Sing about the hope that is to come.

He will lift you up. He will lift you up higher than sorrow.
He will lift you up and cover your soul with healing.

It's such an upbeat and catchy song. I just wanted to share.
We all need a little peace, rest, joy, life, hope and LOVE! Everyone needs a little!

The Word

Be strong and of good courage, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them.
Only you be strong and very courageous, that you may do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you. Turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go.
This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success.

Joshua 1:6-8

A Moment of Truth

No matter how many times I've been at the doorway of faith - I find faith challenging. Yes I know God is in control. Yes I know. Yes. I know. But it is so hard to take my hands off and trust that it truly is all His. To let it become what He so desires rather than what I desire.

A new walk of faith always brings me to a moment of decision. To let go again and trust, or to hang on for dear life and work my plan instead. The decision to let go always causes my heart to race and the feeling of being overwhelmed consumes me. The knowing within that all will be well while I CHOOSE to let go, on purpose, and surrender the reigns over to Him is strong but so is the urge to hang on. To free fall into the hope rather than holding on with all I have within me. To trust that this time we WILL follow His lead rather than purpose to follow Him while we really follow our own lead. To trust that we will have self-control and wait on His timing rather than run full speed ahead as a bulldozer. All the past mistakes flash before my eyes as I hope we will hear His voice clearly and not attach His voice to our agenda. To rest and follow and not run with anxiety. I'm trying to let go and take this new free fall. I really am - I'm just trying to convince my hands to let go of the reigns and go for another ride of my life. Let go hands! LET GO and let's SOAR!

Where are all the Gentlemen?

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. It began as any other ordinary day but one small encounter impacted me and remained on my mind the entire day. I took the kids to eat Moe's - don't you love the way they welcome you every single time you walk through the door. No matter how impersonal the welcome is... I feel welcome. :) Anyway, after we finished eating I was picking up our trash and getting ready to strategically walk my two with me to the trash so I could dump the garbage. As I stood up, an elderly GENTLEMAN (he was an employee or the owner?) passed by and graciously said "Oh, just leave that on the table and I will get that for you." I looked at him in shock and thought, "Really? Oh, I feel bad to leave our mess for him." He looked again and said "Let me get that for you please." Then he proceeded to chat kindly with my kids.

We packed up in the van after we thanked the GENTLEMAN repeatedly and I told JB about being a gentleman. The next thing I know I'm thinking of the 100's of incidents with me trying to do any number of things with HC and JB, when he was 9 months old and she was 2 years old. Knowing how stressed I was trying to juggle things and keep the kids near while women and men surrounded me... NO ONE offered to help me. For example, being in the mall food court and carrying a 9 month old and a high chair to the table so we could eat while a 2 year old slowly followed me. No help and many witnesses. Here I am with older children who are able to stay close, although they hop deliberately from one colored tile to the next and this makes tray balancing a bit tricky if you step before they've hopped, and someone helped me.

I don't mean to get on a soap box but it really meant so much for someone to reach out and care. The simple act of courtesy. It is a lost art. I think that is one of the main things that attracted me to my husband - he was quick to reach out and offer help whenever he saw the need. It isn't a damsel in distress kind of thing but a real life thing. Where you see someone, with hands full, struggling to open the door and he offers help. Even if it isn't convenient to do so. He gets that from his dad!

I also think being married to someone who's been in the restaurant business for 90% of our time together and knowing his heart on service made this moment particularly poignant. During these hard times, it would seem that businesses would not act as though we are all a proverbial number but treat us like valued friends. I know when life is soaring and people are spending like there is no tomorrow a customer is often a number. Just one of the many, but it seems many are struggling in this economy and it would suit many businesses to return to the standard of being a neighbor.

I left Moe's yesterday feeling seen and cared for by a stranger. A simple act that took seconds off his day, he probably didn't think of it again, but for me it made me feel valued. That was a high return on that small act. I don't need people jumping up left and right to offer help to me but... since someone did it made me realize that I cannot remember the last time someone bothered to lend a helping hand. My friends do and that has been enough, it just made me wonder if being a gentleman has become a lost art. Will the remaining gentlemen retire for good soon or are there any young men roaming about with the art of consideration? We could all use the reminder of being neighborly wherever we are. I believe we are losing the ladies too! I am becoming more aware of when I can lend a hand too now.

There's a Party in My Cabana

Girls just wanna have fun ya know! :) My HC found out that Daddy gave me a Mani/Pedi for Valentine's Day and the tears began flowing! "I want to go!! Can I go Mom?" I told her I was going with friends and she could not go. The waterworks were heartbreaking. I told her I would paint her nails for her if she wanted me to. She was eager to have her turn. We did a little rainbow number on HC and she was well pleased! We used hot pink, light pink, purple, orange and blue. The orange and blue are very light and mainly look like sparkles. Such a happy girl! See, whether you are 5 or >5 painted nails = a happy girl!
Happy times indeed! We sure did miss you Missy - but we totally understand! It was so nice being pampered. Aren't our hubbies the BEST!?! It was so nice to talk to one another without constantly being interrupted by children. Our babies were safely off with their Daddy's - having fun I know!
We all left feeling refreshed and pleased with our spruced up toes - a little "Party in My Cabana". Gosh... this just makes me want to walk on the beach a little bit!
My "Mauve Maniac" friend rockin' those fly toes!
And the "Susie Pink" (can't remember the official name of this color) was a great choice too! I'm thinking this was a fun gift and I hope this will not be the last of our girly adventures. I've never had so much fun having my nails done - the time just flew by!
Happy Valentine's Day Steve! I loved my gift - it was the perfect fit!!